13. Break Free From the Cycle of Mom Guilt
Do you find yourself constantly caught in the endless cycle of mom guilt, feeling like you're never doing enough or being enough? In this powerful episode, we dive deep into the pervasive issue of mom guilt and explore practical tools to break free from its grip.
As moms, we often set impossible standards for ourselves, trying to live up to an idealized version of motherhood that leaves us feeling inadequate. But what if we could reframe our guilt and use it as a catalyst for growth and positive change? Today, you'll learn how to separate fact from fiction, choose compassionate stories, and embrace the gift of guilt.
Get ready to transform your relationship with guilt and step into a more empowered, fulfilled version of yourself. On today's show, I give you a proven process to snap out of shame spirals and make decisions that align with your values. It's time to let go of perfectionism and embrace the beautiful, messy reality of motherhood.
If you're looking for the right environment to start your networking journey, look no further than my group, the Mom Entrepreneurs Circle. Join us for mutual support, advice sharing, and the tools you need for both you and your business to thrive. We meet on the 2nd Thursday of each month and participation is totally free!
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
Why guilt is particularly pervasive in moms and where it stems from.
How guilt actively holds you back from being present, confident, and energized both in your business and as a mom.
A practical tool to help you get yourself out of those guilt-induced shame spirals.
How to separate facts from stories and consciously choose your perspective.
Why guilt can be a gift that leads to humility, forgiveness, and growth.
The importance of modeling apologizing and emotional regulation for your children.
How to rewire your brain and break free from the cycle of mom guilt.
Listen to the Full Episode:
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8. Managing Your Mind: The Secret Weapon for Building Your Business
Full Episode Transcript:
Guilt, when approached with curiosity rather than that judgment that automatically peaks its head up, can lead to forgiveness, both of ourselves and of others. It can lead to freedom from truly the perfectionism that we’re always trapping ourselves in.
Welcome to How to Quit Your Job: A Mom’s Guide to Creating a Life and Business You Love. It’s a podcast that helps working moms just like you, optimize your time, manage your mind, and start a business that helps you create more freedom, flexibility, and, yes, fun. I’m business and mindset coach Jenna Rykiel. And I offer practical tips to help you ditch the nine-to-five. I have been exactly where you are, and I know what it takes to make the transition without trading one form of burnout for another. So, let’s get started.
Hi, mom friends. If you’re listening to this while hiding in the bathroom for a moment of peace because life is overwhelming or if you’re listening during your commute as you replay this morning’s chaos in your mind and feeling bad about dropping the kids off late, I want you to know I see you and you’re not alone. It’s so common as moms to be constantly caught in that endless cycle of feeling like you’re never doing enough, being enough or having enough time for it all.
Let’s start with talking about why mom guilt shows up so persistently in our lives as mothers. Mom guilt often stems from the impossible standards we set for ourselves and the unrealistic expectations society places on moms. We’re bombarded with images of perfect moms who seem to do it all effortlessly, excel in their careers, maintain a spotless home, prepare organic meals, and still have time for self-care and date nights. It’s no wonder we feel guilty when our reality doesn’t match up to this idealized version of motherhood.
It’s so hard not to feel guilty when our kiddo eats a hotdog for dinner again, for the tenth time this week. Of course, we Google it, is it okay for my kid to eat a hot dog for dinner 10 times a week? And of course, the internet will absolutely shame you. And access to all of that information and what’s best for our kids and what we should be doing to be the best is at our fingertips now more than ever. And we can’t help but take a peek and do our best to be that perfect mom.
Also, as women who have worked hard to build successful careers, we often carry the weight of wanting to prove we can have it all. We feel guilty for wanting time away from our children to pursue our professional goals. And then guilty again when work commitments take us away from family time. So, it’s a double edged sword that leaves us feeling like we’re constantly falling short, but here’s the kicker. This guilt isn’t just an uncomfortable feeling. It’s actively holding you back from living your best life and being the mom you want to be.
When we are consumed by guilt, we’re not present in the moment. We’re too busy replaying our perceived failures or anxiously anticipating future shortcomings. And that robs us of the joy in small, everyday moments with our children. And prevents us from fully engaging in our work when we’re there. I have preached to my clients and on this podcast that just two hours a week can make a huge dent in building a business. But if you’re distracted by feeling guilty that you’re working on your business instead of at the pool during those two hours, that time is actually wasted. We’re not getting anything done.
Guilt also undermines our confidence. It makes us second guess our decisions, both big and small. Should you spend time on this new business venture when it likely will take away some time with the family? Is it okay to miss bedtime twice this week for networking events? When we’re operating from a place of guilt, we often play small, and we avoid risks and opportunities that could lead to growth and fulfillment. The other important thing is that guilt is just exhausting. It drains our mental and emotional energy, leaving us with less to give to ourselves, our families, and our goals.
It’s hard to show up as our best selves when we’re constantly battling an inner critic. Perhaps most insidiously, guilt can become actually a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we believe we’re not good enough as mothers, we may unconsciously create distance in our relationships with our kiddos. Or when we feel guilty about our work commitments or business goals, we might not fully commit to projects which potentially hinders our career growth and/or holds us back from the successful business we’re capable of building and this is because our feelings generate certain actions.
Think about the actions you take when you feel confident in a given moment versus feeling guilty. When we feel confident and energized, we do things differently than when we feel guilty. I know when I’m feeling confident and energized, I’m running around with Adley, maybe singing and dancing. And when I’m in a shame spiral, I’m closed off. I’m all in my head quiet and not a lot of fun to be around. That impacts my relationship with Adley. And I’d much rather be a confident, energized mom than the guilty mom when I’m with him.
So, I’m going to give you some tools to step out of the shame spiral more easily and embrace a new way of thinking that will truly revolutionize how you approach your life and your goals. Again, guilt isn’t going anywhere. So, we’re going to have to work with it and start to rewire our brains instead of letting guilt get the best of us. Which brings me to the realness of life, the messy and beautiful chaos that is any morning of the week with kids.
So, let’s imagine it’s 7:30am on a Tuesday. You’ve got a big presentation at 9:00 and you’re trying to get everything out the door. Your partner left early for work, so it’s all on you. You’re packing lunches, signing permission slips, responding to work emails on your phone, all while trying to eat a piece of toast that’s gone cold. Suddenly your youngest kiddo knocks over their cereal bowl and milk goes everywhere and before you can stop yourself, you snap, “How could you be so careless? Now we’re going to be late.”
The moment the words leave your mouth, and certainly the elevated tone that you use, you see their little face crumble and the guilt tsunami hits. You feel like the worst mom in the world, convinced you’ve somehow damaged your kid forever with your momentary frustration. I’m sure this sounds familiar, some version of it at least. And this, my friend, is mom guilt in action. It’s that pervasive feeling that no matter what you do, you’re somehow falling short. But here’s the game changer.
Guilt is just a feeling, and feelings come from our thoughts, which is a beautiful thing, because we are always in control of our thoughts even when we don’t realize it. And that empowering fact is going to change everything. I’m going to break this down and give you the tools to flip the script. Now, this isn’t the first time I’ve talked about mind management. I did a whole episode on it a little while back, so check out episode eight for a refresher.
But I want to talk specifically about mom guilt because it’s pervasive and consumes so much of our time and energy. That’s why having a system and tools to tackle it is going to be so freeing and makes such a difference. So, the first step in really conquering mom guilt is to recognize that it’s not the situation causing your guilt, it’s the story you’re telling yourself about the situation. So, in our cereal spill scenario, the facts are simple. Milk spilled, you raised your voice, you said words, but the story, that’s where the guilt comes in.
You might be thinking something like I’m a terrible mother for yelling. I have traumatized my child. If I were a better mom, this wouldn’t have happened. I can’t handle being a mom and having a career. These thoughts feel so true in the moment, but they’re not facts, they’re stories and often they’re pretty dramatic ones and harsh ones for us.
So, here’s the first step in the tool, the thought download. And I’ve talked about writing out our thoughts before and this won’t be the last time because it’s so important. So, when you’re in the shame spiral, you take out a piece of paper and at the top you write what happened or why do I feel guilty? Then give yourself five minutes to write down every thought that’s coming to mind without censoring or judging. You’ve got to get it all out. Now, look at what you’ve written and for each thought add the phrase, the story I’m telling myself is, before it.
This simple act creates a tiny bit of space between you and the thought. It helps you see these ideas as what they are, stories, not absolute truths. So, for example, the story I’m telling myself is that I’m a terrible mother for yelling. The story I’m telling myself is that I’ve traumatized my child. Suddenly, these thoughts lose some of their power. You can start to see them as interpretations rather than full blown facts.
Now that we’ve identified the guilt inducing thoughts, let’s dig a little deeper. In any given situation that triggers guilt, there are very few actual facts, and I want to talk about this again. I know I mentioned it, but it’s so important. Most of what fills our mind are interpretations, judgments, assumptions. Likely most of what you wrote down on that sheet of paper is a story.
So, if we go back to the morning chaos scenario, what are the facts? Milk spilled on the floor. You said words, in this case, “How could you be so careless? Now we’re going to be late.” And maybe there’s some fact around raising your voice and that’s it. Everything else, the idea that you’re a bad mom, that you’ve caused irreparable harm, that you can’t handle your life. Those are all stories your mind has created.
So, the second piece of this tool and process is to take your thought download and go through each statement. Ask yourself, is this 100% true? Can I absolutely know that it’s true? Would everyone in the world agree with it? And if not, it’s not a fact, it’s a story. That part of the exercise isn’t about dismissing your feelings. It’s about gaining clarity because when we separate fact from fiction, we gain control over our emotional responses. Now comes the empowering part and the fun part.
If these guilt inducing thoughts are just stories, that means we have the power to choose different stories. This is where we can start to transform guilt into something truly productive and powerful. So, I want you to ask yourself in these situations, what story would I like to believe about this situation? How would a compassionate friend interpret the situation? What would I tell my best friend if she were in this situation?
We can reframe our morning meltdown to something like, I’m human and sometimes humans get frustrated. Or one moment of frustration doesn’t negate all the love and care I provide as a mom. Or I can use this as a teachable moment about accidents and emotions. Also, in general this is an opportunity to model apologizing and emotional regulation for your child. What a beautiful opportunity to say sorry and show your kid how to apologize when you mess up.
But by consciously choosing these more balanced, compassionate stories, we’re not ignoring the situation or how we feel. We’re reframing it in a way that allows for growth and connection rather than shame and withdrawal, which leads me to the gift of guilt. And I have to be honest, I was solidly in the camp of guilt never serving us until my coach talked about every emotion having some sort of gift with it. And here’s where we really change our relationship with guilt. So, let’s talk through this.
Every emotion has two sides. There’s the negative side of guilt. So that’s the toxicity, the self-contempt, the anger. That’s what we usually focus on. But there is another side, a gift that guilt offers us when we’re willing to accept it and be open to it. The gift of guilt is humility. It’s the reminder that we’re human, that we’re always learning and growing. Guilt, when approached with curiosity rather than that judgment that automatically peaks its head up, can lead to forgiveness, both of ourselves and of others. It can lead to freedom from, truly, the perfectionism that we’re always trapping ourselves in.
So, think about it, if we never felt guilty, how would we correct course when we’ve acted in a way that doesn’t align with our values? Guilt is the emotion that keeps us in check, that helps us stay aligned with the kind of person and the kind of mom we want to be. So, the next time you feel that wave of guilt washing over you, try this reframe. Try thinking, I’m feeling guilty because I care deeply about being a good mother. This guilt is showing me where I can grow and how much I love my family.
This perspective shift doesn’t mean you’ll never feel bad about mistakes, but it does mean you can use those feelings as a catalyst for positive change rather than a reason to beat yourself up. Like I said, guilt isn’t going anywhere. It’s a human emotion, just like all the other emotions are not going anywhere. So, if we can learn to work with those emotions and help them to get us to an empowered place instead of launching us into a complete shame spiral, we’re more likely to make decisions that align with our values.
So, let’s recap the powerful tools and perspective shifts that we’ve explored today. Number one, we talked about why guilt is so pervasive for moms. And understanding that, I think, is key because we are all recovering perfectionists. But remember, we’re also a human, and our mistakes are beautiful reminders of that.
The second thing we talked about is how mom guilt is potentially holding you back. If you’ve ever tried to focus or do anything productive when you’re in a shame spiral, it’s impossible. It’s easy for certain emotions that are a part of the human experience to really hold us back if we don’t have a process to ‘snap out of it.’
The third thing we talked about is the tool to get us out of that shame spiral sooner. Sometimes I like to refer to this as the guilt to grace tool. So, by writing down all your thoughts, recognizing what is a story versus a fact and then choosing how you really want to think about the situation and yourself.
The last thing, and this is probably my favorite, is how we can see guilt as a gift because it’s not going anywhere. And if we can remember that the guilt is showing me where I can grow and how much I love my family, that removes so much tension from our mind and body. And truthfully, once we start reframing how we think about guilt, we experience it less often, and it has less of a stronghold on us when we do experience it. So slowly but surely, we actually start to rewire our brain when we start to take these intentional steps to think differently about guilt.
Remember, the goal isn’t to never feel guilty, it’s to use that guilt as a springboard for positive change rather than a weight that holds you down. And in a perfect world, yes, we would never feel guilty, but this is the real world and so, guilt is something that is going to happen. You have the power to choose how you interpret situations and how you respond to them. This is the key to breaking free from the cycle of mom guilt, or should I say, the shame spiral that we find ourselves in and stepping into the empowered, fulfilled version of yourself that you know you can be.
So amazing moms, here’s your mission for this week. Put the guilt to grace process into action. The next time you feel that familiar pang of mom guilt, pull out a piece of paper, work through the steps we’ve discussed, write it all out, filter for the facts, and consciously choose the story you want to believe. And remember, this is a practice. It takes time to rewire years of guilt driven thinking. Be patient with yourself. Celebrate the small wins.
Each time you catch yourself in a guilt spiral and you choose a different path, you’re building momentum towards the life and the mindset you desire, a mindset that will be able to drive you even more seamlessly towards your goals.
And remember in the show notes if you go to www.jenna.coach/13 because this is episode 13. There’s a transcript of this episode if you want to capture some of the things we talked about or some of the steps for this process because I know we are all finding ourselves feeling guilty more often than not.
And I want you to tune in next week because we’re going to talk about every new entrepreneur’s favorite topic, which is selling and sales. And if I had a puppy for every time I heard someone say they don’t want to be pushy or come off as salesy, I would need 80 acres for that dream dog farm of mine. But seriously, sales is such an important part of business and life, and I promise, after 10 years in sales and years of learning about human behavior, sales is not something to be feared. It’s something to embrace. We just need to think about it differently. And I’m going to blow your mind with how to think about it next week.
Until then, you’ve got this, mom, you are worthy, valuable and I promise you’re doing enough no matter what your day looks like today, I promise. Okay, see you next week.
Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of How to Quit Your Job: A Mom’s Guide to Creating a Life and Business You Love. If you want to learn more about how I can help you stop making excuses and start making moves, head on over to www.jenna.coach. I’ll see you next week.
Welcome to How to Quit Your Job: A Mom’s Guide to Creating a Life and Business You Love. It’s a podcast that helps working moms just like you, optimize your time, manage your mind, and start a business that helps you create more freedom, flexibility, and, yes, fun. I’m business and mindset coach Jenna Rykiel. And I offer practical tips to help you ditch the nine-to-five. I have been exactly where you are, and I know what it takes to make the transition without trading one form of burnout for another. So, let’s get started.
Hi, mom friends. If you’re listening to this while hiding in the bathroom for a moment of peace because life is overwhelming or if you’re listening during your commute as you replay this morning’s chaos in your mind and feeling bad about dropping the kids off late, I want you to know I see you and you’re not alone. It’s so common as moms to be constantly caught in that endless cycle of feeling like you’re never doing enough, being enough or having enough time for it all.
Let’s start with talking about why mom guilt shows up so persistently in our lives as mothers. Mom guilt often stems from the impossible standards we set for ourselves and the unrealistic expectations society places on moms. We’re bombarded with images of perfect moms who seem to do it all effortlessly, excel in their careers, maintain a spotless home, prepare organic meals, and still have time for self-care and date nights. It’s no wonder we feel guilty when our reality doesn’t match up to this idealized version of motherhood.
It’s so hard not to feel guilty when our kiddo eats a hotdog for dinner again, for the tenth time this week. Of course, we Google it, is it okay for my kid to eat a hot dog for dinner 10 times a week? And of course, the internet will absolutely shame you. And access to all of that information and what’s best for our kids and what we should be doing to be the best is at our fingertips now more than ever. And we can’t help but take a peek and do our best to be that perfect mom.
Also, as women who have worked hard to build successful careers, we often carry the weight of wanting to prove we can have it all. We feel guilty for wanting time away from our children to pursue our professional goals. And then guilty again when work commitments take us away from family time. So, it’s a double edged sword that leaves us feeling like we’re constantly falling short, but here’s the kicker. This guilt isn’t just an uncomfortable feeling. It’s actively holding you back from living your best life and being the mom you want to be.
When we are consumed by guilt, we’re not present in the moment. We’re too busy replaying our perceived failures or anxiously anticipating future shortcomings. And that robs us of the joy in small, everyday moments with our children. And prevents us from fully engaging in our work when we’re there. I have preached to my clients and on this podcast that just two hours a week can make a huge dent in building a business. But if you’re distracted by feeling guilty that you’re working on your business instead of at the pool during those two hours, that time is actually wasted. We’re not getting anything done.
Guilt also undermines our confidence. It makes us second guess our decisions, both big and small. Should you spend time on this new business venture when it likely will take away some time with the family? Is it okay to miss bedtime twice this week for networking events? When we’re operating from a place of guilt, we often play small, and we avoid risks and opportunities that could lead to growth and fulfillment. The other important thing is that guilt is just exhausting. It drains our mental and emotional energy, leaving us with less to give to ourselves, our families, and our goals.
It’s hard to show up as our best selves when we’re constantly battling an inner critic. Perhaps most insidiously, guilt can become actually a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we believe we’re not good enough as mothers, we may unconsciously create distance in our relationships with our kiddos. Or when we feel guilty about our work commitments or business goals, we might not fully commit to projects which potentially hinders our career growth and/or holds us back from the successful business we’re capable of building and this is because our feelings generate certain actions.
Think about the actions you take when you feel confident in a given moment versus feeling guilty. When we feel confident and energized, we do things differently than when we feel guilty. I know when I’m feeling confident and energized, I’m running around with Adley, maybe singing and dancing. And when I’m in a shame spiral, I’m closed off. I’m all in my head quiet and not a lot of fun to be around. That impacts my relationship with Adley. And I’d much rather be a confident, energized mom than the guilty mom when I’m with him.
So, I’m going to give you some tools to step out of the shame spiral more easily and embrace a new way of thinking that will truly revolutionize how you approach your life and your goals. Again, guilt isn’t going anywhere. So, we’re going to have to work with it and start to rewire our brains instead of letting guilt get the best of us. Which brings me to the realness of life, the messy and beautiful chaos that is any morning of the week with kids.
So, let’s imagine it’s 7:30am on a Tuesday. You’ve got a big presentation at 9:00 and you’re trying to get everything out the door. Your partner left early for work, so it’s all on you. You’re packing lunches, signing permission slips, responding to work emails on your phone, all while trying to eat a piece of toast that’s gone cold. Suddenly your youngest kiddo knocks over their cereal bowl and milk goes everywhere and before you can stop yourself, you snap, “How could you be so careless? Now we’re going to be late.”
The moment the words leave your mouth, and certainly the elevated tone that you use, you see their little face crumble and the guilt tsunami hits. You feel like the worst mom in the world, convinced you’ve somehow damaged your kid forever with your momentary frustration. I’m sure this sounds familiar, some version of it at least. And this, my friend, is mom guilt in action. It’s that pervasive feeling that no matter what you do, you’re somehow falling short. But here’s the game changer.
Guilt is just a feeling, and feelings come from our thoughts, which is a beautiful thing, because we are always in control of our thoughts even when we don’t realize it. And that empowering fact is going to change everything. I’m going to break this down and give you the tools to flip the script. Now, this isn’t the first time I’ve talked about mind management. I did a whole episode on it a little while back, so check out episode eight for a refresher.
But I want to talk specifically about mom guilt because it’s pervasive and consumes so much of our time and energy. That’s why having a system and tools to tackle it is going to be so freeing and makes such a difference. So, the first step in really conquering mom guilt is to recognize that it’s not the situation causing your guilt, it’s the story you’re telling yourself about the situation. So, in our cereal spill scenario, the facts are simple. Milk spilled, you raised your voice, you said words, but the story, that’s where the guilt comes in.
You might be thinking something like I’m a terrible mother for yelling. I have traumatized my child. If I were a better mom, this wouldn’t have happened. I can’t handle being a mom and having a career. These thoughts feel so true in the moment, but they’re not facts, they’re stories and often they’re pretty dramatic ones and harsh ones for us.
So, here’s the first step in the tool, the thought download. And I’ve talked about writing out our thoughts before and this won’t be the last time because it’s so important. So, when you’re in the shame spiral, you take out a piece of paper and at the top you write what happened or why do I feel guilty? Then give yourself five minutes to write down every thought that’s coming to mind without censoring or judging. You’ve got to get it all out. Now, look at what you’ve written and for each thought add the phrase, the story I’m telling myself is, before it.
This simple act creates a tiny bit of space between you and the thought. It helps you see these ideas as what they are, stories, not absolute truths. So, for example, the story I’m telling myself is that I’m a terrible mother for yelling. The story I’m telling myself is that I’ve traumatized my child. Suddenly, these thoughts lose some of their power. You can start to see them as interpretations rather than full blown facts.
Now that we’ve identified the guilt inducing thoughts, let’s dig a little deeper. In any given situation that triggers guilt, there are very few actual facts, and I want to talk about this again. I know I mentioned it, but it’s so important. Most of what fills our mind are interpretations, judgments, assumptions. Likely most of what you wrote down on that sheet of paper is a story.
So, if we go back to the morning chaos scenario, what are the facts? Milk spilled on the floor. You said words, in this case, “How could you be so careless? Now we’re going to be late.” And maybe there’s some fact around raising your voice and that’s it. Everything else, the idea that you’re a bad mom, that you’ve caused irreparable harm, that you can’t handle your life. Those are all stories your mind has created.
So, the second piece of this tool and process is to take your thought download and go through each statement. Ask yourself, is this 100% true? Can I absolutely know that it’s true? Would everyone in the world agree with it? And if not, it’s not a fact, it’s a story. That part of the exercise isn’t about dismissing your feelings. It’s about gaining clarity because when we separate fact from fiction, we gain control over our emotional responses. Now comes the empowering part and the fun part.
If these guilt inducing thoughts are just stories, that means we have the power to choose different stories. This is where we can start to transform guilt into something truly productive and powerful. So, I want you to ask yourself in these situations, what story would I like to believe about this situation? How would a compassionate friend interpret the situation? What would I tell my best friend if she were in this situation?
We can reframe our morning meltdown to something like, I’m human and sometimes humans get frustrated. Or one moment of frustration doesn’t negate all the love and care I provide as a mom. Or I can use this as a teachable moment about accidents and emotions. Also, in general this is an opportunity to model apologizing and emotional regulation for your child. What a beautiful opportunity to say sorry and show your kid how to apologize when you mess up.
But by consciously choosing these more balanced, compassionate stories, we’re not ignoring the situation or how we feel. We’re reframing it in a way that allows for growth and connection rather than shame and withdrawal, which leads me to the gift of guilt. And I have to be honest, I was solidly in the camp of guilt never serving us until my coach talked about every emotion having some sort of gift with it. And here’s where we really change our relationship with guilt. So, let’s talk through this.
Every emotion has two sides. There’s the negative side of guilt. So that’s the toxicity, the self-contempt, the anger. That’s what we usually focus on. But there is another side, a gift that guilt offers us when we’re willing to accept it and be open to it. The gift of guilt is humility. It’s the reminder that we’re human, that we’re always learning and growing. Guilt, when approached with curiosity rather than that judgment that automatically peaks its head up, can lead to forgiveness, both of ourselves and of others. It can lead to freedom from, truly, the perfectionism that we’re always trapping ourselves in.
So, think about it, if we never felt guilty, how would we correct course when we’ve acted in a way that doesn’t align with our values? Guilt is the emotion that keeps us in check, that helps us stay aligned with the kind of person and the kind of mom we want to be. So, the next time you feel that wave of guilt washing over you, try this reframe. Try thinking, I’m feeling guilty because I care deeply about being a good mother. This guilt is showing me where I can grow and how much I love my family.
This perspective shift doesn’t mean you’ll never feel bad about mistakes, but it does mean you can use those feelings as a catalyst for positive change rather than a reason to beat yourself up. Like I said, guilt isn’t going anywhere. It’s a human emotion, just like all the other emotions are not going anywhere. So, if we can learn to work with those emotions and help them to get us to an empowered place instead of launching us into a complete shame spiral, we’re more likely to make decisions that align with our values.
So, let’s recap the powerful tools and perspective shifts that we’ve explored today. Number one, we talked about why guilt is so pervasive for moms. And understanding that, I think, is key because we are all recovering perfectionists. But remember, we’re also a human, and our mistakes are beautiful reminders of that.
The second thing we talked about is how mom guilt is potentially holding you back. If you’ve ever tried to focus or do anything productive when you’re in a shame spiral, it’s impossible. It’s easy for certain emotions that are a part of the human experience to really hold us back if we don’t have a process to ‘snap out of it.’
The third thing we talked about is the tool to get us out of that shame spiral sooner. Sometimes I like to refer to this as the guilt to grace tool. So, by writing down all your thoughts, recognizing what is a story versus a fact and then choosing how you really want to think about the situation and yourself.
The last thing, and this is probably my favorite, is how we can see guilt as a gift because it’s not going anywhere. And if we can remember that the guilt is showing me where I can grow and how much I love my family, that removes so much tension from our mind and body. And truthfully, once we start reframing how we think about guilt, we experience it less often, and it has less of a stronghold on us when we do experience it. So slowly but surely, we actually start to rewire our brain when we start to take these intentional steps to think differently about guilt.
Remember, the goal isn’t to never feel guilty, it’s to use that guilt as a springboard for positive change rather than a weight that holds you down. And in a perfect world, yes, we would never feel guilty, but this is the real world and so, guilt is something that is going to happen. You have the power to choose how you interpret situations and how you respond to them. This is the key to breaking free from the cycle of mom guilt, or should I say, the shame spiral that we find ourselves in and stepping into the empowered, fulfilled version of yourself that you know you can be.
So amazing moms, here’s your mission for this week. Put the guilt to grace process into action. The next time you feel that familiar pang of mom guilt, pull out a piece of paper, work through the steps we’ve discussed, write it all out, filter for the facts, and consciously choose the story you want to believe. And remember, this is a practice. It takes time to rewire years of guilt driven thinking. Be patient with yourself. Celebrate the small wins.
Each time you catch yourself in a guilt spiral and you choose a different path, you’re building momentum towards the life and the mindset you desire, a mindset that will be able to drive you even more seamlessly towards your goals.
And remember in the show notes if you go to www.jenna.coach/13 because this is episode 13. There’s a transcript of this episode if you want to capture some of the things we talked about or some of the steps for this process because I know we are all finding ourselves feeling guilty more often than not.
And I want you to tune in next week because we’re going to talk about every new entrepreneur’s favorite topic, which is selling and sales. And if I had a puppy for every time I heard someone say they don’t want to be pushy or come off as salesy, I would need 80 acres for that dream dog farm of mine. But seriously, sales is such an important part of business and life, and I promise, after 10 years in sales and years of learning about human behavior, sales is not something to be feared. It’s something to embrace. We just need to think about it differently. And I’m going to blow your mind with how to think about it next week.
Until then, you’ve got this, mom, you are worthy, valuable and I promise you’re doing enough no matter what your day looks like today, I promise. Okay, see you next week.
Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of How to Quit Your Job: A Mom’s Guide to Creating a Life and Business You Love. If you want to learn more about how I can help you stop making excuses and start making moves, head on over to www.jenna.coach. I’ll see you next week.
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