66. When Life Gets in the Way
Life's messiness has a way of showing up at the most inconvenient times, doesn’t it?
The stomach bug that sweeps through the house for two weeks straight, the washing machine that breaks at the worst possible moment, or an aging parent's health scare that requires dropping everything. These moments can feel like they're actively conspiring against our dreams and goals, especially when we're trying to build something meaningful in our careers.
Tune in this week to hear what to do when it feels like life is getting in your way, and why real breakthrough comes when we stop being surprised by life's disruptions and start seeing them as predictable parts of the human experience. You’ll learn how, instead of wasting mental energy fighting reality when things go wrong, we can channel that energy into problem-solving and maintaining momentum.
Ready to start your networking journey? Join us every 2nd Thursday for my free Mom Entrepreneurs Circle. Sign up below for support, advice sharing, and the tools you need for both you and your business to thrive.
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
Why expecting life to be messy changes everything about how you plan and pursue business goals.
How to build a resilience operating system that helps you navigate disruptions without losing momentum.
The mental framework shift from seeing interruptions as unexpected to seeing them as predictable.
Practical strategies for creating contingency plans and protecting your most important business activities.
Why writing down your thoughts during challenging moments helps you snap back into problem-solving mode.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
Click here for step-by-step instructions to leave a rating and review to let me know what you think, and don’t forget to share the podcast with others who you think would benefit!
If you want to realize your dreams of leaving corporate and starting your own business, join me for a free strategy session by clicking here!
Full Episode Transcript:
I really want you to walk away from this episode feeling empowered, not overwhelmed. And also I want you to know that self-care and self-compassion are important. This isn't about powering through. You won't need to power through if you're taking care of yourself when these things happen as well.
Welcome to How to Quit Your Job, the podcast for moms ready to ditch the nine-to-five and build a life and business they love. I’m your host, Jenna Rykiel. Let’s go.
Hi mom friends. I'm recording this episode from my new office in Colorado. My family and I have officially moved across country from Maryland to Colorado. and I haven't really talked about this much leading up to the move, but I'm definitely going to be sharing more about it. I have a few episodes in mind that really have been inspired by this entire process of moving. And this episode is really one of them, so I want you to keep tuning in and definitely subscribe to stay in the loop on those stories because I know I haven't shared as much.
But today, I want to talk about when life gets in the way. And like I said, this was inspired by my move across country because when the year began, this was not something that was built into my business plan. Packing up an entire house, going through the process of selling that house, finding a place to live in Denver, and moving all of us and our doctors, child care, insurance, you name it, all the things. None of that was part of the plan this year until about May, and that's when we made the decision to move. And it made me think of all the ways that life can get in the way of making progress on our business, even when or especially when our business is still just an idea or what feels like a pipe dream.
The visions we have for what we want our life to look like and what we want to feel in our career each day can weigh heavy on us when things come up in life that deter us from moving forward, whatever that looks like. And I know a lot of people are probably thinking that this year was supposed to be the year that things were different. This was going to be the year that I finally took that business idea seriously, the year I started building something that would give me more flexibility, whether that be financial flexibility or flexibility with my family, financial freedom, more of that sense of purpose that I've been craving that I'm not getting in my corporate role.
But then, life happened. And again, I just had a conversation with a mom the other day who said that she tried to start a business multiple times and even had ideas for what she wanted to do, but then life threw her off. And I get it. We all know what it's like for life to throw us off. Maybe it's the stomach bug that swept through our house for two straight weeks, leaving everyone exhausted and behind on everything. Or if you're like my family earlier this year, the illness hits for almost two months straight, which I talk about at length in Episode 57 when I talk about the resilience that we have for handling things like that.
Maybe it's an aging parent's health scare that required you to drop everything and fly across the country. Maybe it's something as simple as your washing machine breaking down at the worst possible moment. But whatever it is, small or large, it threw off your entire carefully planned week. And it's so easy to feel frustrated, maybe even defeated, thinking, "See, this always happens. Every time I try to move forward with something important, life gets in the way." It's also so easy to think in that moment, maybe this just isn't meant to be.
And I want you to know that what we're all feeling in that moment is completely valid. The disappointment, the frustration, that sense of being constantly thrown off course. It's all real, and it makes perfect sense. But what I also want to offer is that there's another way to look at this pattern, and calling it a pattern is very much intentional. A way that will completely change how we navigate these inevitable disruptions and allow us to keep moving forward towards our goals instead of constantly feeling like we have to start over or delay them indefinitely.
Because here's what I have learned over the years, both in my own journey and in working with so many moms. The problem isn't that life keeps getting in the way, although it really feels like it. The problem is that we keep being surprised by all the things that pop up.
So let's imagine you've been listening to this podcast for a little while, so you know all the tips and strategies around planning out your week. All the strategies that I preach regularly. You wake up Monday morning with your week, perfectly planned. You've blocked out time for business brainstorming and sending out a few emails to people in your network about your business idea. You've scheduled that important project work during the kids' quiet time. Maybe you've even meal prepped on Sunday. I know my husband and I just did that this past Sunday and it was a game changer.
But you're feeling organized and ready to tackle all of your goals and then Tuesday afternoon hits and daycare calls. Let's just say that your version of Adley has a fever and needs to be picked up immediately. By Wednesday, your whole household is sick. By Friday, you're crawling out of what feels like a fog of tissues, overdue tasks, missed deadlines, all the things, and you're wondering how you're going to catch up on everything that got derailed.
And here's where most of us get stuck, and this is absolutely myself included, which is why I am particularly energized to speak about it. We think of these disruptions as unexpected events, even though we've been through this cycle dozens of times before. The illnesses, the appliance breakdowns, the family emergencies, each time they happen, we mentally categorize them as surprises that throw us off. They're unexpected and they throw us off of our plan.
And when we think something is unexpected, our brain goes into crisis mode. We feel shocked, we feel frustrated, we feel angry. We start thinking thoughts like, "This always happens to me," or, "I can never catch a break," or, "Maybe I'm just not cut out for this entrepreneurship thing."
Just last week this happened to me where I had my entire week planned, waking up early, working out, settling into Denver, and I woke up feeling like needles were scraping my throat every time I swallowed. My entire household ended up having rhinovirus, and I guess we got it on the plane moving out to Denver. That's also why if I sound a little different right now. Yes, I'm in a new different office, but also I'm on the tail end of that virus, so I'm still congested.
But it was so easy in that moment to feel frustrated and angry that my week was completely ruined by this virus. There was no way I was waking up early and work was absolutely going to be a hit-or-miss. In those moments I usually think, "Okay, this week, just client work is what gets done." It would have been really easy to stay in that mentality and maybe even give up on some of the plans that I had for my business goals just in general.
But there's an important and simple shift that I've recently come to understand that changes everything, and that shift is to start seeing these disruptions as a part of life instead of things that are unexpected. Life with kids, aging parents, homes that need maintenance, and bodies that sometimes get sick means there will be interruptions regularly. These aren't unexpected interruptions to your "real life." They are your real life. Okay? And when we shift from seeing these events as shocking disruptions to seeing them as kind of predictable parts of the human experience, something magical happens. We stop wasting mental and emotional energy on being surprised and we start channeling that energy into problem solving and figuring out how we move forward with life being life.
So I want to dive a little deeper into what happens in our brains when we label life's messiness as unexpected. I know I touched on it a little bit just now, but I want to dig a little bit deeper because when something disrupts our plans and we think to some degree this shouldn't be happening or this is throwing everything off, we're essentially fighting reality. Fighting reality is exhausting. Okay? It's like standing at the beach in the ocean trying to push back the waves. The waves aren't wrong for coming. They're just doing what waves do. But we can exhaust ourselves trying to make them stop. And we can exhaust ourselves just questioning and obsessing over the waves themselves. Why is this happening? and making it a problem.
So when my thoughts are focused on how inconvenient it is that my entire house got sick again or how unfair it is that the buyer's financing fell through when selling the house, I'm using precious mental energy to resist what's already happening instead of channeling that energy towards solutions and next steps.
I remember earlier this year, I had an event planned, one where I was going to be going through my process for helping moms discover their winning business idea. I had everything set up. I even worked with an ops specialist to make sure everything would be smooth because there were a few new elements I was bringing to the training that I hadn't done before. Then my entire household got hand, foot, and mouth. And instead of coming up with a solution for that training, whether to postpone it, maybe record it for when I felt better and send it out to anyone who had registered, I just canceled it.
That training, one that I know so many moms who are struggling to settle and decide a business idea need, got left in the dust. Okay, all the work and energy that went into it was wasted because I let my frustration get the best of me. And in the moment, it doesn't necessarily feel like it's frustration that's getting the best of us. It feels like we are making a decision that is the only decision, right? the rational decision. That we are fed up and there's just no way that we can make this work or there is no way that we can continue on with the business or continue on with the event.
But what I want to offer is that our vision is a bit clouded because we are in such a negative head space from being surprised by a circumstance that is maybe some would say objectively negative, or some would say that a circumstance that is an obstacle. Just in terms of that training, I'm finally going to be doing that training in a couple of weeks, but that's almost four months later. And the momentum I had built initially when putting it together was completely lost. And I've had to restart almost everything with that training.
And what I've learned from studying both neuroscience and how the brain works and working with so many moms with similar situations is that our brains have a limited capacity for decision making and creative problem solving. We sort of run out of juice and by a certain time if we are making a ton of decisions and if we are completely emotionally exhausted. If we're not in a good head space, problem solving becomes really hard.
When we spend the capacity that we do have for problem solving and decision making on emotional resistance to our circumstances, which basically means anger or frustration for the situation that's happening, we have less available for the strategic thinking that we need to keep moving forward. But when we accept that these disruptions are part of the package, right, the package of life, when we expect the unexpected, we free up that mental space for what actually serves us.
Okay, instead of thinking I can't believe this is happening again, which 100% I am so guilty of that. Just last week, I know that thought went through my head at least once or twice. But instead of thinking that, or maybe even in conjunction with it, instead of that being the only thing we're thinking, we start thinking, okay, this is happening, how do I make a contingency plan? What's most important to protect? How do I keep my momentum while handling this thing that has popped up?
And yes, when we're sick, that doesn't mean soldier through and grind it out. I'm one of the lucky parents who ended up with hand, foot, and mouth even though the doctors say that usually doesn't happen. So there's no way I was going to still hold the event that I just mentioned in the way that I had originally planned. I wasn't feeling up to it. I would not have been giving my best self and it would just have been a trainwreck. But it could have easily been something that was rescheduled to the next week. Instead, my brain took the opportunity to just give up on it, to lose the momentum.
There honestly wasn't even a second thought for me to come up with a different solution. Okay, in that moment, I was too focused on all the reasons why this circumstance, the circumstance of my whole household myself included having hand, foot, and mouth was completely unfair. And of course, this is happening again. And why is this happening to me? Right? Stepping into a bit of that victim mentality. And that completely blocked me from being creative at all or coming up with any solutions to still be able to maintain momentum and move my business forward.
So, I want to help you implement this new perspective. Okay, I think of it as building a resilience operating system, a set of mental frameworks and practical strategies that help you navigate these disruptions without losing momentum. So first there's the mental framework we've been discussing, which is it sounds simple but expecting life to be messy and building that expectation into your planning. So this means when you set business goals, you're not asking does this make sense for me to pursue because everything is going smoothly at the moment? You're asking how can I achieve this even when things get complicated?
The second thing is there's just practical preparation. Okay, this doesn't mean trying to predict exactly what will go wrong, that's impossible and anxiety producing. Instead it means building flexibility and buffer time into your systems. It means identifying which business activities are most crucial for momentum and protecting time for those first. It means having backup plans for child care, knowing who you can call for help and creating work systems that can handle interruptions.
I want to give a practical example of how this works. Instead of waiting for the perfect conditions to start working on your business, when everyone is healthy, when nothing needs fixing, when life is calm, when they backfill that open position on your team so that you don't have more of the workload. Instead of waiting, you start now and you work around those real life obstacles. Maybe you build in buffer time, or you set tasks that are easier to complete this week because so many other things are going on. Maybe you just spend 10 minutes on your business this week instead of normally wanting to spend an hour or two, because this week is really hard at work or because this week you're dealing with an illness in the family, or this week you're dealing with a family crisis. So maybe you just take a little mini step forward instead of a giant leap. Maybe you identify tasks that absolutely must happen to keep momentum and which can be flexible.
Another tool is creating systems or contingency plans that can handle those interruptions. We all know that child care is only so dependable. Kids get sick, nannies get sick, daycares shut down for whatever reason, especially if it's an in-home daycare. So, personally, I try and keep this in mind when scheduling out my week and even when I'm scheduling clients. So there are two main days of the week where I have most of my client work. So if there's a week that daycare is shut down, like this week actually, then I know that my client days are the only days that I absolutely need to get covered. So I can keep those client appointments, which are the most important part of my week, and the other days I can cover child care myself.
Most importantly, you make peace with the fact that progress might be slower than you initially hoped, but it doesn't have to stop completely or be put on the back burner. The other thing is emotional regulation. Okay, when disruptions happen and they will, you want to have tools ready to help you stay grounded and solution focused rather than spiraling into frustration or despair.
I always recommend to my clients that they write down all their thoughts in those moments. I call it a thought download. And I've talked about it on the podcast before, but when we write down all those thoughts that lead to feelings that drain us, the thoughts that focus on why the situation sucks and why it's so draining, it's just a lovely release to write that all down. And it also shows us that those thoughts are just sentences in our head.
Now, I teach a more advanced process that helps clients actually take that a step further to really snap back into problem solving mode and help them to be able to still work towards the results that they want to create. But even just having a practice of writing out those thoughts can be huge. And bonus points if you take a moment with each thought and try to identify what feeling that thought leads to. Okay, when you're thinking some of the thoughts that you wrote down, do you feel frustrated? Do you feel angry? Do you feel hopeless? Demotivated? Remember that our feelings are produced by our thoughts.
So if we can understand our thoughts, we can better control how we feel. And if we can do that, we are unstoppable. Then we have the power to feel energized or motivated even in moments when our circumstances are a bit bleak. Another great tool, and it can't be understated, is having a support system, a support system that you can reach out to for perspective. So whether that be a friend or a coach, having someone who knows what you're trying to accomplish and maybe you even send them this episode and say, hey, when life happens, please don't jump into the pool with me and egg on my frustration. Please remind me that each interruption is practice in getting better at becoming resilient to what life throws at me. Have that person hold you accountable, have that person support you in that way.
The goal of all of this isn't to eliminate disruptions from your life. That's impossible. The goal is to build such strong resilience that disruptions become temporary detours rather than permanent roadblocks. It's about maintaining your forward momentum even when things don't go according to plan. I really want you to walk away from this episode feeling empowered, not overwhelmed. And also I want you to know that self-care and self-compassion are important. This isn't about powering through. You won't need to power through if you're taking care of yourself when these things happen as well.
So part of your planning could and should also have this element of what you might do for yourself when life happens. Maybe you actually prioritize sleep when you're sick or prioritize going to the doctor. Maybe you schedule time for yourself to grieve or have alone-time or schedule time for a thoughtful pause or break. All of that having trust and confidence that you're going to be able to jump right back into it the next day or the next week. Life isn't getting in the way of your dreams, life is going to be happening no matter what and you can only be successful as a business owner if you can learn to build the business within the context of that life. The sooner you make peace with that reality, the sooner you'll gain back so much energy because you'll no longer be fighting the waves. You'll just be surfing them.
So the key transformation here is shifting from seeing the disruptions as unexpected obstacles to seeing them as predictable parts of being human and the human experience, and that you can prepare for and navigate those without losing sight of your bigger vision. And this may seem trivial but I promise it's important and just this one shift in thinking will create so much less turmoil as these things pop up, as life happens.
Now, I want you to think about where you are now, right now. What disruptions or challenges are currently making you feel like you can't move forward with your business goals? What story are you telling yourself about why this means you should pause or stop? And I want to offer you a different story. This challenge, whatever it is, whatever life has thrown at you is not a sign that you should give up. It's not proof that this isn't meant to be. It's simply life doing what life does, being messy and unpredictable.
Okay, and you, my friend, are more capable of navigating mess and unpredictability than you realize. Your business dreams are not fragile things that can only survive in perfect conditions. They're solid visions that can grow and thrive even in the midst of this complicated thing called life. In fact, they actually need that complexity to become fully developed and authentic to who you are. The question isn't whether challenges will come, they will. The question is whether you'll let them derail you or whether you'll use them as opportunities to practice the resilience that will serve you in business and motherhood and all things.
Right? What I hope for you and for me and all moms with big goals is that we don't let life derail us, because our visions are so much bigger than those moments in life that pop up. The world needs our gifts and our zone of genius, and people are counting on us to keep moving forward. And if you want help moving forward, keep listening to this podcast. Please also subscribe. Don't just make this a random check-in when you think of it. Make sure that you subscribe so that you can hold yourself accountable to move forward.
For me sometimes it's podcast episodes that get me back on track when life happens. So I want you to use this podcast as a tool to do that. Commit to listening especially when life is happening so that you have a voice in your head that's encouraging you to keep moving forward. Not just the voice in your head that is looking for any reason to stop doing the hard uncomfortable thing of building a life and business you love.
Keep moving forward, you beautiful human. Your dreams are waiting for you on the other side of life's beautiful, messy complexity. I'll see you next week.
Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of How to Quit Your Job: A Mom’s Guide to Creating a Life and Business You Love. If you want to learn more about how I can help you stop making excuses and start making moves, head on over to www.jenna.coach. I’ll see you next week.
Welcome to How to Quit Your Job, the podcast for moms ready to ditch the nine-to-five and build a life and business they love. I’m your host, Jenna Rykiel. Let’s go.
Hi mom friends. I'm recording this episode from my new office in Colorado. My family and I have officially moved across country from Maryland to Colorado. and I haven't really talked about this much leading up to the move, but I'm definitely going to be sharing more about it. I have a few episodes in mind that really have been inspired by this entire process of moving. And this episode is really one of them, so I want you to keep tuning in and definitely subscribe to stay in the loop on those stories because I know I haven't shared as much.
But today, I want to talk about when life gets in the way. And like I said, this was inspired by my move across country because when the year began, this was not something that was built into my business plan. Packing up an entire house, going through the process of selling that house, finding a place to live in Denver, and moving all of us and our doctors, child care, insurance, you name it, all the things. None of that was part of the plan this year until about May, and that's when we made the decision to move. And it made me think of all the ways that life can get in the way of making progress on our business, even when or especially when our business is still just an idea or what feels like a pipe dream.
The visions we have for what we want our life to look like and what we want to feel in our career each day can weigh heavy on us when things come up in life that deter us from moving forward, whatever that looks like. And I know a lot of people are probably thinking that this year was supposed to be the year that things were different. This was going to be the year that I finally took that business idea seriously, the year I started building something that would give me more flexibility, whether that be financial flexibility or flexibility with my family, financial freedom, more of that sense of purpose that I've been craving that I'm not getting in my corporate role.
But then, life happened. And again, I just had a conversation with a mom the other day who said that she tried to start a business multiple times and even had ideas for what she wanted to do, but then life threw her off. And I get it. We all know what it's like for life to throw us off. Maybe it's the stomach bug that swept through our house for two straight weeks, leaving everyone exhausted and behind on everything. Or if you're like my family earlier this year, the illness hits for almost two months straight, which I talk about at length in Episode 57 when I talk about the resilience that we have for handling things like that.
Maybe it's an aging parent's health scare that required you to drop everything and fly across the country. Maybe it's something as simple as your washing machine breaking down at the worst possible moment. But whatever it is, small or large, it threw off your entire carefully planned week. And it's so easy to feel frustrated, maybe even defeated, thinking, "See, this always happens. Every time I try to move forward with something important, life gets in the way." It's also so easy to think in that moment, maybe this just isn't meant to be.
And I want you to know that what we're all feeling in that moment is completely valid. The disappointment, the frustration, that sense of being constantly thrown off course. It's all real, and it makes perfect sense. But what I also want to offer is that there's another way to look at this pattern, and calling it a pattern is very much intentional. A way that will completely change how we navigate these inevitable disruptions and allow us to keep moving forward towards our goals instead of constantly feeling like we have to start over or delay them indefinitely.
Because here's what I have learned over the years, both in my own journey and in working with so many moms. The problem isn't that life keeps getting in the way, although it really feels like it. The problem is that we keep being surprised by all the things that pop up.
So let's imagine you've been listening to this podcast for a little while, so you know all the tips and strategies around planning out your week. All the strategies that I preach regularly. You wake up Monday morning with your week, perfectly planned. You've blocked out time for business brainstorming and sending out a few emails to people in your network about your business idea. You've scheduled that important project work during the kids' quiet time. Maybe you've even meal prepped on Sunday. I know my husband and I just did that this past Sunday and it was a game changer.
But you're feeling organized and ready to tackle all of your goals and then Tuesday afternoon hits and daycare calls. Let's just say that your version of Adley has a fever and needs to be picked up immediately. By Wednesday, your whole household is sick. By Friday, you're crawling out of what feels like a fog of tissues, overdue tasks, missed deadlines, all the things, and you're wondering how you're going to catch up on everything that got derailed.
And here's where most of us get stuck, and this is absolutely myself included, which is why I am particularly energized to speak about it. We think of these disruptions as unexpected events, even though we've been through this cycle dozens of times before. The illnesses, the appliance breakdowns, the family emergencies, each time they happen, we mentally categorize them as surprises that throw us off. They're unexpected and they throw us off of our plan.
And when we think something is unexpected, our brain goes into crisis mode. We feel shocked, we feel frustrated, we feel angry. We start thinking thoughts like, "This always happens to me," or, "I can never catch a break," or, "Maybe I'm just not cut out for this entrepreneurship thing."
Just last week this happened to me where I had my entire week planned, waking up early, working out, settling into Denver, and I woke up feeling like needles were scraping my throat every time I swallowed. My entire household ended up having rhinovirus, and I guess we got it on the plane moving out to Denver. That's also why if I sound a little different right now. Yes, I'm in a new different office, but also I'm on the tail end of that virus, so I'm still congested.
But it was so easy in that moment to feel frustrated and angry that my week was completely ruined by this virus. There was no way I was waking up early and work was absolutely going to be a hit-or-miss. In those moments I usually think, "Okay, this week, just client work is what gets done." It would have been really easy to stay in that mentality and maybe even give up on some of the plans that I had for my business goals just in general.
But there's an important and simple shift that I've recently come to understand that changes everything, and that shift is to start seeing these disruptions as a part of life instead of things that are unexpected. Life with kids, aging parents, homes that need maintenance, and bodies that sometimes get sick means there will be interruptions regularly. These aren't unexpected interruptions to your "real life." They are your real life. Okay? And when we shift from seeing these events as shocking disruptions to seeing them as kind of predictable parts of the human experience, something magical happens. We stop wasting mental and emotional energy on being surprised and we start channeling that energy into problem solving and figuring out how we move forward with life being life.
So I want to dive a little deeper into what happens in our brains when we label life's messiness as unexpected. I know I touched on it a little bit just now, but I want to dig a little bit deeper because when something disrupts our plans and we think to some degree this shouldn't be happening or this is throwing everything off, we're essentially fighting reality. Fighting reality is exhausting. Okay? It's like standing at the beach in the ocean trying to push back the waves. The waves aren't wrong for coming. They're just doing what waves do. But we can exhaust ourselves trying to make them stop. And we can exhaust ourselves just questioning and obsessing over the waves themselves. Why is this happening? and making it a problem.
So when my thoughts are focused on how inconvenient it is that my entire house got sick again or how unfair it is that the buyer's financing fell through when selling the house, I'm using precious mental energy to resist what's already happening instead of channeling that energy towards solutions and next steps.
I remember earlier this year, I had an event planned, one where I was going to be going through my process for helping moms discover their winning business idea. I had everything set up. I even worked with an ops specialist to make sure everything would be smooth because there were a few new elements I was bringing to the training that I hadn't done before. Then my entire household got hand, foot, and mouth. And instead of coming up with a solution for that training, whether to postpone it, maybe record it for when I felt better and send it out to anyone who had registered, I just canceled it.
That training, one that I know so many moms who are struggling to settle and decide a business idea need, got left in the dust. Okay, all the work and energy that went into it was wasted because I let my frustration get the best of me. And in the moment, it doesn't necessarily feel like it's frustration that's getting the best of us. It feels like we are making a decision that is the only decision, right? the rational decision. That we are fed up and there's just no way that we can make this work or there is no way that we can continue on with the business or continue on with the event.
But what I want to offer is that our vision is a bit clouded because we are in such a negative head space from being surprised by a circumstance that is maybe some would say objectively negative, or some would say that a circumstance that is an obstacle. Just in terms of that training, I'm finally going to be doing that training in a couple of weeks, but that's almost four months later. And the momentum I had built initially when putting it together was completely lost. And I've had to restart almost everything with that training.
And what I've learned from studying both neuroscience and how the brain works and working with so many moms with similar situations is that our brains have a limited capacity for decision making and creative problem solving. We sort of run out of juice and by a certain time if we are making a ton of decisions and if we are completely emotionally exhausted. If we're not in a good head space, problem solving becomes really hard.
When we spend the capacity that we do have for problem solving and decision making on emotional resistance to our circumstances, which basically means anger or frustration for the situation that's happening, we have less available for the strategic thinking that we need to keep moving forward. But when we accept that these disruptions are part of the package, right, the package of life, when we expect the unexpected, we free up that mental space for what actually serves us.
Okay, instead of thinking I can't believe this is happening again, which 100% I am so guilty of that. Just last week, I know that thought went through my head at least once or twice. But instead of thinking that, or maybe even in conjunction with it, instead of that being the only thing we're thinking, we start thinking, okay, this is happening, how do I make a contingency plan? What's most important to protect? How do I keep my momentum while handling this thing that has popped up?
And yes, when we're sick, that doesn't mean soldier through and grind it out. I'm one of the lucky parents who ended up with hand, foot, and mouth even though the doctors say that usually doesn't happen. So there's no way I was going to still hold the event that I just mentioned in the way that I had originally planned. I wasn't feeling up to it. I would not have been giving my best self and it would just have been a trainwreck. But it could have easily been something that was rescheduled to the next week. Instead, my brain took the opportunity to just give up on it, to lose the momentum.
There honestly wasn't even a second thought for me to come up with a different solution. Okay, in that moment, I was too focused on all the reasons why this circumstance, the circumstance of my whole household myself included having hand, foot, and mouth was completely unfair. And of course, this is happening again. And why is this happening to me? Right? Stepping into a bit of that victim mentality. And that completely blocked me from being creative at all or coming up with any solutions to still be able to maintain momentum and move my business forward.
So, I want to help you implement this new perspective. Okay, I think of it as building a resilience operating system, a set of mental frameworks and practical strategies that help you navigate these disruptions without losing momentum. So first there's the mental framework we've been discussing, which is it sounds simple but expecting life to be messy and building that expectation into your planning. So this means when you set business goals, you're not asking does this make sense for me to pursue because everything is going smoothly at the moment? You're asking how can I achieve this even when things get complicated?
The second thing is there's just practical preparation. Okay, this doesn't mean trying to predict exactly what will go wrong, that's impossible and anxiety producing. Instead it means building flexibility and buffer time into your systems. It means identifying which business activities are most crucial for momentum and protecting time for those first. It means having backup plans for child care, knowing who you can call for help and creating work systems that can handle interruptions.
I want to give a practical example of how this works. Instead of waiting for the perfect conditions to start working on your business, when everyone is healthy, when nothing needs fixing, when life is calm, when they backfill that open position on your team so that you don't have more of the workload. Instead of waiting, you start now and you work around those real life obstacles. Maybe you build in buffer time, or you set tasks that are easier to complete this week because so many other things are going on. Maybe you just spend 10 minutes on your business this week instead of normally wanting to spend an hour or two, because this week is really hard at work or because this week you're dealing with an illness in the family, or this week you're dealing with a family crisis. So maybe you just take a little mini step forward instead of a giant leap. Maybe you identify tasks that absolutely must happen to keep momentum and which can be flexible.
Another tool is creating systems or contingency plans that can handle those interruptions. We all know that child care is only so dependable. Kids get sick, nannies get sick, daycares shut down for whatever reason, especially if it's an in-home daycare. So, personally, I try and keep this in mind when scheduling out my week and even when I'm scheduling clients. So there are two main days of the week where I have most of my client work. So if there's a week that daycare is shut down, like this week actually, then I know that my client days are the only days that I absolutely need to get covered. So I can keep those client appointments, which are the most important part of my week, and the other days I can cover child care myself.
Most importantly, you make peace with the fact that progress might be slower than you initially hoped, but it doesn't have to stop completely or be put on the back burner. The other thing is emotional regulation. Okay, when disruptions happen and they will, you want to have tools ready to help you stay grounded and solution focused rather than spiraling into frustration or despair.
I always recommend to my clients that they write down all their thoughts in those moments. I call it a thought download. And I've talked about it on the podcast before, but when we write down all those thoughts that lead to feelings that drain us, the thoughts that focus on why the situation sucks and why it's so draining, it's just a lovely release to write that all down. And it also shows us that those thoughts are just sentences in our head.
Now, I teach a more advanced process that helps clients actually take that a step further to really snap back into problem solving mode and help them to be able to still work towards the results that they want to create. But even just having a practice of writing out those thoughts can be huge. And bonus points if you take a moment with each thought and try to identify what feeling that thought leads to. Okay, when you're thinking some of the thoughts that you wrote down, do you feel frustrated? Do you feel angry? Do you feel hopeless? Demotivated? Remember that our feelings are produced by our thoughts.
So if we can understand our thoughts, we can better control how we feel. And if we can do that, we are unstoppable. Then we have the power to feel energized or motivated even in moments when our circumstances are a bit bleak. Another great tool, and it can't be understated, is having a support system, a support system that you can reach out to for perspective. So whether that be a friend or a coach, having someone who knows what you're trying to accomplish and maybe you even send them this episode and say, hey, when life happens, please don't jump into the pool with me and egg on my frustration. Please remind me that each interruption is practice in getting better at becoming resilient to what life throws at me. Have that person hold you accountable, have that person support you in that way.
The goal of all of this isn't to eliminate disruptions from your life. That's impossible. The goal is to build such strong resilience that disruptions become temporary detours rather than permanent roadblocks. It's about maintaining your forward momentum even when things don't go according to plan. I really want you to walk away from this episode feeling empowered, not overwhelmed. And also I want you to know that self-care and self-compassion are important. This isn't about powering through. You won't need to power through if you're taking care of yourself when these things happen as well.
So part of your planning could and should also have this element of what you might do for yourself when life happens. Maybe you actually prioritize sleep when you're sick or prioritize going to the doctor. Maybe you schedule time for yourself to grieve or have alone-time or schedule time for a thoughtful pause or break. All of that having trust and confidence that you're going to be able to jump right back into it the next day or the next week. Life isn't getting in the way of your dreams, life is going to be happening no matter what and you can only be successful as a business owner if you can learn to build the business within the context of that life. The sooner you make peace with that reality, the sooner you'll gain back so much energy because you'll no longer be fighting the waves. You'll just be surfing them.
So the key transformation here is shifting from seeing the disruptions as unexpected obstacles to seeing them as predictable parts of being human and the human experience, and that you can prepare for and navigate those without losing sight of your bigger vision. And this may seem trivial but I promise it's important and just this one shift in thinking will create so much less turmoil as these things pop up, as life happens.
Now, I want you to think about where you are now, right now. What disruptions or challenges are currently making you feel like you can't move forward with your business goals? What story are you telling yourself about why this means you should pause or stop? And I want to offer you a different story. This challenge, whatever it is, whatever life has thrown at you is not a sign that you should give up. It's not proof that this isn't meant to be. It's simply life doing what life does, being messy and unpredictable.
Okay, and you, my friend, are more capable of navigating mess and unpredictability than you realize. Your business dreams are not fragile things that can only survive in perfect conditions. They're solid visions that can grow and thrive even in the midst of this complicated thing called life. In fact, they actually need that complexity to become fully developed and authentic to who you are. The question isn't whether challenges will come, they will. The question is whether you'll let them derail you or whether you'll use them as opportunities to practice the resilience that will serve you in business and motherhood and all things.
Right? What I hope for you and for me and all moms with big goals is that we don't let life derail us, because our visions are so much bigger than those moments in life that pop up. The world needs our gifts and our zone of genius, and people are counting on us to keep moving forward. And if you want help moving forward, keep listening to this podcast. Please also subscribe. Don't just make this a random check-in when you think of it. Make sure that you subscribe so that you can hold yourself accountable to move forward.
For me sometimes it's podcast episodes that get me back on track when life happens. So I want you to use this podcast as a tool to do that. Commit to listening especially when life is happening so that you have a voice in your head that's encouraging you to keep moving forward. Not just the voice in your head that is looking for any reason to stop doing the hard uncomfortable thing of building a life and business you love.
Keep moving forward, you beautiful human. Your dreams are waiting for you on the other side of life's beautiful, messy complexity. I'll see you next week.
Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of How to Quit Your Job: A Mom’s Guide to Creating a Life and Business You Love. If you want to learn more about how I can help you stop making excuses and start making moves, head on over to www.jenna.coach. I’ll see you next week.
Enjoy the Show?
Don’t miss an episode, follow the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or RSS.
Next
Next