40. When Your Spouse Has Doubts About Your Business with Michelle Purta
Have you ever felt like your partner just doesn't get your entrepreneurial dreams? You're not alone. Pursuing a business while maintaining a strong relationship can feel like a delicate balancing act, especially when you're a mom.
In this episode, marriage coach Michelle Purta shares her expertise on navigating those crucial conversations with your spouse about starting a business. As someone who has made the leap from corporate life to entrepreneurship herself, Michelle knows firsthand the challenges and rewards of this journey.
Tune in to learn practical strategies for getting your partner or spouse on board with your vision, even if they're initially resistant. Michelle explains why it makes sense that your spouse might have their doubts about your business, shares where this resistance comes from, and provides tips for how you can work together to address those concerns. By the end of this episode, you'll have a roadmap for turning your partner into your biggest business ally.
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What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
Practical tips for approaching conversations with your partner about starting a business.
Why resistance from your partner often stems from fear, and how to address it.
How to set healthy boundaries that protect your business and your relationships.
The importance of treating your partner like an investor in your business.
How to understand your partner's perspective and provide reassurance while you follow your dream.
Listen to the Full Episode:
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Full Episode Transcript:
The biggest mistake that we make as communicators is that when there's some sort of conflict, it doesn't have to be like high stress or like a big fight, but just any potential disagreement, right? We tend to push our point. I want you to understand me. I need you to come onto my side, aka it's like a win-lose game. And so until I can get you onto my side, I'm going to keep saying things to you to convince you to come to my side because this is the only acceptable side that you can have.
But when you're communicating with someone and they don't feel heard, they're not going to be inclined to be receptive of whatever it is you're saying. They don't want to understand you because they don't feel understood. So then you build the walls up. And so it's like you two are just talking to yourselves and going nowhere.
Welcome to How to Quit Your Job: A Mom’s Guide to Creating a Life and Business You Love. It’s a podcast that helps working moms just like you, optimize your time, manage your mind, and start a business that helps you create more freedom, flexibility, and, yes, fun. I’m business and mindset coach Jenna Rykiel. And I offer practical tips to help you ditch the nine-to-five. I have been exactly where you are and I know what it takes to make the transition without trading one form of burnout for another. So, let’s get started.
Hi, mom friends. With Valentine's Day just behind us, the timing couldn't be better to talk about something that affects both our hearts and our ambitions: how to get your partner on board with your business dreams. Whether you're thinking about leaving your corporate job or you're already in the early stages of building your business, having your partner's support can make all the difference in your entrepreneurial love story. So I'm thrilled to introduce you to Michelle Purta, who is the guest on this episode.
She is a marriage coach who specializes in helping couples navigate communication challenges and build stronger partnerships. Michelle's own journey from Corporate Life to Entrepreneurship gives her unique insight into the delicate balance of pursuing your dreams while nurturing your most important relationships. In this episode, we explore how to approach those crucial conversations with your partner about starting a business, why resistance often comes from a place of fear, and of course, practical strategies to make it easier for your partner to support your vision.
Michelle shares her personal story of leaving her corporate job after the birth of her second son, and how she discovered her calling as a marriage coach through a series of pretty unexpected turns. You'll learn why treating your partner like an investor in your business can absolutely transform your approach to these conversations, as well as how to set healthy boundaries that protect both your business and your relationships, and why your business should support your life and not the other way around.
We covered it all. So if you've ever struggled with feeling unsupported in your entrepreneurial journey, or you're worried about how starting a business might affect your family life, this episode is packed with actionable insights and heartfelt wisdom that you won't want to miss. I hope you enjoy my conversation with Michelle. Let's dive in.
-- Jenna Rykiel: Hi, Michelle. Thank you so much for being on the podcast.
Michelle Purta: Thank you so much for having me, Jenna. I'm so excited to be here.
Jenna: Yes. So I want to jump right in and talk about getting the support of your partner when you have these awesome ideas, this vision of what you want your life to be and starting a business is part of that vision. But of course, there's buy-in that you need from your partner and maybe that partner is not quite sold on the idea yet.
Michelle: Yeah. So that's a big one. So for this, I mean, with every marriage, whether you start a business or not, communication is huge, right? And it isn't just talking about the thing like, hey, I want to start this business. It's knowing how to talk to them about it.
And so for me, what I realized as I started my business, I had to be very strategic with how I approached my husband who was like the former me where we were, you know, traditional job. I worked in corporate for a lot of years before I quit and started my own business. Whereas he's always worked for some kind of business like in the startup world, not quite corporate, but you got the benefits. You have a secure paycheck that you know is going to come every two weeks or however often you get it. And people like your family, your friends, it's acceptable, right?
It's like, oh, yeah, you follow the traditional track. You went to college, you got a job, you're providing for your family, you have the track that you can follow to get promoted and so on and so forth. But when it comes to starting your own business, everyone's like, are you sure you want to do that? You know, because it's–
Jenna: Including your partner.
Michelle: Exactly. Including your partner because it's different, right? And so it's easy to just receive that feedback hoping for the best but having it sting a little, right? You're like, what? I'm really excited about this. You're supposed to be my person – my lobster for my Friends people – but they're not showing the support that you were hoping to receive and it can hurt. It can feel like a sense of rejecting a part of you. It could feel like having no faith in you. It could feel like, where is my partner in this? And so if you're in this situation, know that it won't always be like that and that there are things that you can do.
And so just from the very start, you got to start looking at your partner as an investor of your business, okay? Whether they're putting money into it or not, they are going to be an investor in your business because you're going to be bootstrapping it, right? It's like you've got extra time you're going to put in because you're so excited. You want to launch it or you want to build it. And so your availability is going to be diminished because of that. You're gonna be constantly thinking about it. You're maybe gonna need some extra childcare to work on the weekends, right? Like that's just the reality of it. Whether it costs money for a babysitter or it costs quality time with your partner and your family.
And so either way, it's gonna affect your partner. And so until you shift that mindset of, hey, you're supposed to support me, to how can I make it easy for them to support me? Yeah. Right? Because we can only control ourselves. We cannot control other people. And so if we shift over and view our partner as an investor, we start to put things together differently. We're a little more tactful with what we communicate and we also put less pressure on them to be like our, you know, rah-rah cheerleaders and instead, we can look for a community of fellow entrepreneurs who are in the thick of it, understand what we're going through and can help boost us up and keep us going.
Whereas your partner might not necessarily ever be that until the results come through because they're looking at, okay, well, you're going from a secure paycheck to I don't know when you're going to make money again. Also, you're putting money into it. So you're kind of like dipping into our savings or retirement or our travel fund, wherever the money is coming from. And so it can be a little scary, whereas when you're working for other people, they're fronting the money for your training, for your education and certifications and whatever, right?
And so it's different. And when there's something different happening, it can be scary. And if they're not used to the world of entrepreneurial, just starting up a business, building a business, especially an online business, it could be like, I don't know that this is the right track, maybe later. Let's wait till we have our footing. Let's wait till XYZ happens. All these excuses come out and it can be really hurtful to us who were so excited. We're like, I finally found something I'm passionate about and I really want to do this and you're being a stop sign for me. You have become an obstacle when I was really looking for you to be my cheerleader.
Jenna: Right. So that part, right? And I loved how you said, make it easy. So let's talk about the situation where you're really excited, but it requires you to leave corporate and give up that paycheck. And you want to make it easy for this person to say yes.
Let's say that they are actually like they are the investor, they are the 51%, right? They are the yes vote that you need. What are some ways to make that communication clearer and make it easy for that person to support you.
Michelle: Yeah. Okay. So first of all, let's talk about if your investor was not your partner, okay? You would have a lot of things put together like your plan, your marketing plan, your business plan. You would tell them exactly what your product suite is or your service is, how much you would charge, how you're going to be marketing and so on and so forth. Some KPIs, what your milestones are and an exit strategy, right? At what point would I be like, okay, this isn't going the way that I thought it would.
So at this point, these are the different routes that I could take. So whether that's get a job part time while I still build it or go back full time but build it on the weekends and they would support me during that time, whatever it is, we would have papers together or a deck ready to present to them so that we could pitch them and get their buy-in and get them to support us financially, right? That's traditionally how an investor works.
Now when it's your partner, it's a little bit different. I mean, all that information, very handy if they need it. But with our partner, we have to lean on the strength of our communication. The biggest mistake that we make as communicators is that when there's some sort of conflict, it doesn't have to be like high stress or like a big fight, but just any potential disagreement, right? We tend to push our point. I want you to understand me. I need you to come onto my side, aka it's like a win-lose game. And so until I can get you onto my side, I'm going to keep saying things to you to convince you to come to my side because this is the only acceptable side that you can have.
But when you're communicating with someone and they don't feel heard, they're not going to be inclined to be receptive of whatever it is you're saying. They don't want to understand you because they don't feel understood. So then you build the walls up. And so it's like you two are just talking to yourselves and going nowhere.
What is most effective is when we try to understand more than we try and get them to understand us. So when it comes to building a business, most times, the partner doesn't appear to be supportive because of fear, okay?
Fear of what's going to happen with our money. Fear of how is this going to affect us as a couple and as a family? Are you still going to be around? Is this going to consume you? What's going to happen to our marriage or our partnership? Are we still going to be okay? Where have you gone? You're always on your phone and when you're around, it doesn't even seem like you're present. I know that I faced that in the early stage of my business.
They could be scared that you're going to fail, so they want to protect you. And so it might come out as, I don't know if you're ready for that. I don't know if you can do that. I don't know who would buy that. But you have to remember, he might be your investor or they might be your investor, but they might not be your ideal customer. So it doesn't matter. Right, it doesn't matter.
Like my husband is not my typical client, right? Like I do work with men, but it's like, I guess maybe he would be because he's all about like personal growth. But anyway, let's say he's not, right? Let's say he hates personal growth and just he is who he is. He would not be like an ideal client for me. And so I should not expect him to be like, that's an incredible idea. I am so bought in. Like you should totally do that.
Jenna: Yeah, he wouldn't be able to see it.
Michelle: Right. Because he doesn't see value in it. I want you listeners to keep that in mind, whoever you're talking to, whether it's friend, relative, spouse, whatever, are they the kind of people that you'd be marketing to in the first place? Because if not, then don't expect them to support you and be like your biggest cheerleader. Okay.
Jenna: Yeah. And a lot of times too, then their opinion, you take it with a grain of salt, right?
Michelle: Exactly. I mean…
Jenna: You should take every opinion with a grain of salt. Even your own opinion with a grain of salt. But take it with a grain of salt because your ideas and the value you can bring in the world, you know that better than anybody else. So I love that, that it's fear because we all can relate to that, right? Because when we're starting, the clients I work with, myself, I'm sure you, everybody feels the sense of fear, fear of failure…
Michelle: The unknown.
Jenna: Everything that you're saying our partner might be afraid of, we have thought of first. And so it's so tricky even for us to overcome fear of failure, for us to overcome fear of how will this change my family, how will this change me, you know, will I be glued to my phone, right? We think that ourselves.
So I imagine that it can be even trickier when we are trying to figure out how to communicate with somebody else about that, right? So now that we know that it could very well be coming from a place of fear. What do we do with that information?
Michelle: Yeah, okay, so the conversation is gonna go way better when we offer them an opportunity to have that fear acknowledged. But they might not be even aware that that's what's stopping them from supporting you. So if you know your spouse is normally very supportive of you and all of a sudden with this idea, they're like, "No, absolutely not." Flush it out, right? Have a conversation about it. Because once that's out in the open, you guys can work together as partners to figure out how can we make sure that your worst fear is not going to come true.
Let's play out all the scenarios. Let's talk about what we can do to ensure that that doesn't happen. And this is a really beautiful opportunity for you to set up boundaries for yourself, for your family, raise your awareness of how you want to operate as a business because your business should never be your baby, right? Your babies are your babies. Your marriage is your life and your business is supporting that life.
So don't let it ever get switched, okay? Because the life that you're building with your family, that's it. That's the one. That's where your focus should be because that's what brings the highest quality of life to you.
Jenna: And I want to, if you don't mind me jumping in right there, because I have always talked with people about their business being their baby, and I have never thought of it as a problem. And not that you're saying it's absolutely a problem, because I do like the connection. But at the same time, you're absolutely right. And I see so often the reason that a lot of moms are leaving corporate to start a business is for things like flexibility and being able to focus on their family and their human babies. And it's such an important reminder because when we do think of that all of our attention and all of our care and TLC needs to go to this business because it's our second baby or third baby or first baby, right?
Then we lose that sense of our why and why we are doing this in the first place. So I absolutely, it's like the first time I'm hearing it put that way and I'm all for it. I'm here for it because it is such an important thing. Like we are doing this for ourselves, but for our family and for our kiddos. And forgetting that and getting caught up in this treating our business like our baby, it creates such an expectation that so much of our time and energy and life goes to the business. And that's not what it's all about.
Michelle: No, I mean, build your business. Yes. Do what fulfills you. And your relationships are what brings meaning and fulfillment into your life. So don't forget that part, right?
Because at the end of the day, you're going to close your laptop. You're going to leave your desk. Who's going to be there? Is it people who resent you because you're never around and when you are, you're not actually there like mentally and you're cranky all the time because like, don't get me wrong, I'm giving you all these like tips and advice because I did the opposite, okay? So when I first started my business, I was like, okay, the more I work, the faster I'm going to get wherever there is, right? Like six figures or whatever it was, right?
Jenna: And then you can be more present. Exactly. And then you can be more available.
Michelle: And I found myself getting really annoyed with everybody, right? So at the time, my son, my second son, who was a baby at the time, was home with me. And whenever he needed me, I'd be annoyed, right? Because I'm like, I'm trying to work. But then when I was with him and trying to be with him, my mind would be thinking about work.
So it's like I was never fully present with whatever I was supposed to be doing. And I started snapping at my husband more and I was just like yelling at my oldest a lot more. And I was like, what is happening? This is not it. This is not the life that I'm trying to build.
I'm calling myself a marriage coach and this is what's happening? Like no, we need a hard reset, right? And so at that point, that's when I realized, you know what, Michelle, you don't have to be wherever there is for you to reap the benefits of the reason why you started this business in the first place, which is to do something that brings meaning to my life, but also gives me the flexibility to be the type of wife and mom that I want to be, right? The mom who gets to drop their kids off at school and go volunteer at school and go to field trips and have a delicious meal ready and not just like those quick meals. And yet, I was the kind of wife and mom who was just constantly irritable.
I'm like, something's got to change. And so I had to start setting boundaries for myself like, okay, if I worked for someone else, what would that look like? I would have set working hours, right? I would not let my boss continuously have access to me when I'm not supposed to be working. I would have these hard boundaries and yet I am now my worst boss. That's not okay with me.
Jenna: Yeah. I talk about that often where it's like you leave corporate, you're leaving, and then you're signing up with the most critical boss that you've ever had. And actually, I love that topic of who you become and who you want to become, right? Because I think motherhood and business are two of the best personal development in disguise. We may have talked about that before.
Michelle: And marriage.
Jenna: Yes. Amen. And to check ourselves and say, are we becoming the better version of ourselves? Because business, motherhood and marriage will help you become a better version of yourself if you have the awareness to be able to pause and reflect and say, okay, is this going in the direction? Am I growing into the person that I want to be?
Am I fulfilling that vision for myself? And often I do talk about it too, where it's like if you're not becoming a better version of yourself, you have to really make a decision on whether you keep doing what you're doing or you pivot. And pivot could just be boundaries, setting those boundaries. It could be pivoting and doing something different, something that aligns with your vision for flexibility and all of that in being present with your family. But you do need to have the pause button and the reset button available to you because it's not worth it if you're not having fun and if you're not becoming the better version of yourself.
Michelle: Yeah, because then what's the point? Just go get a job again. You'd probably have more freedom at that point.
Jenna: Yeah, for sure. So we talked about the fear and we talked about our partners feeling heard. Are there any communication, like quick tips there for helping somebody feel heard? Because it all sounds well and good, right? To be able to be in that conversation and to be thinking about the other person and to be recognizing that maybe they're feeling afraid and let me, you know, kind of cater to this and make it easy for them to, you know, collaborate with me and come up with a plan.
But you know, we're humans and we have those feelings that come up where and maybe it's our automatic thinking of, you know, win-lose situation and all or nothing and all of those things that come up. So are there ways that we can show that we're listening, show that we are putting their feelings first for the greater good of the relationship and of the goals of our communication.
Michelle: Yeah. So I teach a communication method called the Peace Method and the short of the long of it or long of it, I don't know how you say it. Anyway, the brief version of that is that you need to first figure out your thoughts and your feelings around this. When we do that, we can go into the conversation with a larger capacity to hear them out without being so reactive, okay? Because they're gonna have their thoughts, they're gonna have their feelings because you've been thinking about this a lot, whereas this might be very fresh in their mind and it's just like, it's like they just got slapped in the face with a surprise that they weren't wanting and they're scared.
What do we do when we're scared? We're very like reactive. And so when we can support ourselves and feel grounded before going into the conversation, we can then handle and observe their process of taking in the information and not take things so personally. So we can just like witness it. I call it the roller coaster, right? We don't have to join them on the roller coaster. We could just stay in the line and just observe them going through the notions of like the highs and the lows.
And then when they're calm, you can have that conversation so that you can let them know, okay, yeah, that totally makes sense why that would concern you, right? Like don't make it personal, just let them have their moment and like empathize like, yeah, that's very different than what I was doing and I could see why I'd be worried and yeah, I would never want to put our family in that position. And so validating them, acknowledging their fear so that they can then come down from the angst and potential stress of it all.
And then once they feel heard, then you guys can start like coming up with a game plan. Okay. So I don't want to put us out. I don't want to be homeless either. I don't want to – whatever their worst fears are, right? I don't want to get divorced. Then talk about, okay, so what do you need from me to make sure that you feel okay with this because either way I want to do this but I want to make sure that it works for us instead of against us so that they know you're on their team.
It's not like hey, I'm gonna do this and sucks for you if it doesn't work out. Like that's not what you're saying, right? Like you don't go into it.
Jenna: Or I'm not gonna do this because I don't wanna have the conversation or I don't want to at least try to figure out what this needs to look like or what we need to do in order to make it work.
Michelle: Yeah. No, don't do that either because look, you've got one life. You're not a cat, right? You got one life and you better make it count. Okay?
Because I will have to say like, even though owning a business is a lot, it's not always sunshine and rainbows and Jenna will be the first person to tell you that. I don't regret it. It's probably one of the better decisions I've ever made. And it's been so fulfilling to get to do something that is so meaningful to me, where I get to help people and help them in their marriages and feel better about themselves and their life and the motherhood that they're experiencing. And I would never go back.
Jenna: Yeah. Speaking of, this seems like a great segue for us to talk about that journey of getting to where you are now. And there's so much that I feel like is relatable. Just before we pressed record, we were talking about it too. And so much that I think will help listeners who are right now exactly where you were in 2017, 2018.
So let's start by saying, give us the short of it or the long story short of it of how you got your business started and really what drove that for you. Like what inspired you to take that step, to leave corporate, to have those conversations with your partner and to then now start your business?
Michelle: Yeah. So yeah, I was working corporate for a really long time. And when I had my second son, he's my first biological son. My oldest is my stepson. Call it fate. I don't know what happened, but I was just constantly seeing videos on Facebook about abusive childcare workers. And so when it was time to look for childcare because I would have to go back to work after my maternity leave ran out, I was like, oh my gosh, I can't in good conscious send my baby who can't talk yet and tell me that something's wrong to a stranger to care for him all day long.
So every time I thought of looking up child care, I just broke down into tears. I physically couldn't do it. And that's not something that normally happens for me. Yeah, I'm a crier, but no, that was very extreme. And so I was like, look, Steven, my husband, it's like, I can't, I'm sorry. Like, we're just gonna have to figure it out. I will drain my 401k if I need to, but like, I'm not doing it.
And so he was like, okay, like, and he knew that I was dead serious because I would have never ever, ever suggested that unless I was really serious. And so I quit. And during that time, I was like, okay, well, I can't just sit around and be a stay-at-home mom. That's not me.
And so I was like, okay, let's figure it out. What am I going to do? And so I was dabbling in all kinds of things and I felt like, what am I doing? At one point, I wanted to design t-shirts and sell them with positive affirmations and open an Etsy shop. And fun fact, I was going to call it Drawn to Love. But anyway, and then I became a VA for a winery and worst boss ever. And then for some reason, I don't know how I connected with this like mom coach down in the LA area at the time I was living in the Bay Area. That's where I grew up and was raised. And I became a VA for her.
And just like serendipitously, I don't know how this happened, but she was developing like this 12-week group coaching program for moms with like big audacious goals to like come in and we would like support them and whatever. And so she's like, "Why don't you just be a part of it for free? You're already helping me develop it anyway." And so I was like, okay, I don't know what my goal is going to be.
And in the background, I was doing some soul searching like, what should I do? Asking my friends like, what do you see me doing? One friend was like, "You should look into becoming a life coach?" And I was like, "What the heck is a life coach? I do not have my life together. I am the last person who should be advising people on what they should be doing with their life." And she's like, "Just talk to my coach. She's been doing it for over 30 years. She's really good." It's like, okay, fine.
And so I talked to her and I did some research about like what a life coach does. And I was like, oh, I guess I kind of do have those characteristics. And I do that kind of stuff already. I might as well get paid helping people. Like I have a psychology degree. So like I genuinely love getting to know people and helping them.
And so I landed on marriage coaching because just looking back, when I was in the group coaching program, we would all help each other out. And for some reason, husbands kept coming up. And I always had something to say. And so I was like, oh, maybe that's it.
But hindsight is 20/20 and it makes total sense because my upbringing, I grew up in a household where my parents eventually got divorced. They were horrible at communicating. Partnership was nonexistent. My mom's a classic martyr. My dad was like, "Oh, well, I'm just going to do whatever I feel like doing and have fun." And therefore, I struggled in my personal relationships and had to grow a lot in that arena for me to have the marriage I have today. And I was like, well, I know what that's like and I know how having kids affects your marriage. So I'm going to help women who are struggling in that, who are struggling with communication, who are struggling with partnership. And now we're here.
Jenna: And the rest is history. Yeah. Well, I love that. First of all, being able to make such a powerful decision in your life early on as a mom to say, I do not feel great about putting my child in, in childcare and I'm going to figure out a way to not do that. Now, of course, my son is in a daycare now, like a real daycare, and every mom struggles with that decision, right?
But it's being able to see having options, right? It's not necessarily always, I have to do this the traditional way. And being able to make that decision of, this is something I feel strongly about, and I'm gonna figure out a way to not do it.
And then the other piece is that you doing different things and taking action and whatever steps you took in the t-shirt business or in the Etsy shop like maybe you set up a shop maybe you didn't but doing the VA dabbling in these different things and I'm sure you had a lot of mental drama the entire time, but doing things where you're actually taking action and learning, learning more about what you don't want to do, right? Working with that terrible boss person and then finding out more of what you do want to do, right?
Like it lighting you up to work on this coach's group program. And it's so important because we feel like we need to have it figured out before we take the steps. And it's actually in taking steps and failing a little bit or gaining a little bit more experience and knowledge that our path becomes more and more solidified and clear. And you're a perfect example of that, right? Because I think you've said it before too, maybe when we were offline, like, let's go back to like 20, maybe 15 or something like that.
Michelle: No, I would have laughed at you.
Jenna: Yeah, and it's amazing that not only is this life available to you, it means that it's available to anyone. Because I always tell people too, like you and I aren't special. Like if we can do this, any mom can do this. And it's the having the belief that we can blow our own minds and that we can create something that maybe we didn't even think was possible at one time.
Michelle: Yeah, absolutely. Like open up the chances for you to be surprised by yourself, honestly. Because yeah, either way, you're gonna experience hardships. Whether you stay with your job and you hate it. Let's talk about that a little bit because that puts such a…
Jenna: A strain on the marriage.
Michelle: A strain on the marriage, a strain on your personal life. Like you spend more time working than you do with your family. Absolutely. So let's choose wisely.
Jenna: It's such a good point because also by doing the thing that lights you up or that you think will fulfill you more than your corporate job, that has such a ripple effect in every other piece of your life. I've talked about with someone else before the circle of responsibility, right? You need to make sure that you're good before you can take care of other people.
And by showing up every day at a job that you absolutely despise and that feels like it is crumbling you and a terrible environment, that has a ripple effect as well. And there's resentment and there's being short fused, like everything that you were talking about earlier, being irritable.
And I'm sure people can relate to that feeling now by being in corporate and having this idea for a vision of a business and a life of flexibility and time with the family that they aren't going after. I think there's a whole other conversation on how stepping into entrepreneurship actually is better for the marriage.
Michelle: Oh, a thousand percent. I mean, anything that will contribute to your own happiness is going to be good for the marriage. Like as long as it's not like, you know, stepping out on your marriage unless you have an open marriage, like that's a whole different subject. But anything that will help you be more you, that's a good thing in my opinion, right? So as long as you're communicating with your spouse and you're still dedicating that quality time with each other, keeping each other on the same page and growing alongside them and choosing that because marriage is truly a choice and you're constantly making it.
It's like you're either choosing your marriage or you're not choosing your marriage. So as long as you're choosing your marriage alongside choosing yourself, everything should work out.
Jenna: Yeah. Yeah, I love that. I feel like we could talk forever about these things. How can people learn more about you? How can they work with you?
I know you also have talked about topics like this and you have resources. So tell everybody about those things and I'll of course link them in the show notes.
Michelle: Yeah, so I'm a marriage coach and I work with moms as well as couples to help them communicate. Okay, so if you're struggling with communication, let's say you can't even get through an argument without like it just needing to just stop, right? And you're not getting to a resolution and it feels like your fights are getting nowhere, we got to talk, okay? Because I help couples learn how to fight the right way so that conflict can just stay a conversation.
Conflict does not have to become an argument. In my world, I say conflict is inevitable because obviously you're going to disagree. And that's healthy because that means there's honesty in the relationship and there's room for growth. However, while conflict is inevitable, arguing is optional. So that's my whole world is helping you realize that and helping you choose that so that you could spend more time connecting, actually wanting to be with each other, enjoying each other, being married the way that you saw yourself being married, rather than spending all this time fighting and then being in between fights, right?
It's like you just had your fight and then it's like, okay, awkward phase of getting back together again and then you have another fight. Let's not do that, okay? There's so much to life that you can experience together. That's not it. And it's just really a matter of getting the right tools and awareness of yourself.
So to connect with me, I love to hang out on Threads. Something about it is like very throwback Facebook vibes. And I like that I don't have to make a visual to go with it. My creativity is in the kitchen, not so much creating graphics. And I'm also on Instagram where I share new episodes and one-off things. And I have my own podcast, so go check that out. That's probably the best place you can go to because if you're here, that means you listen to podcasts.
So hop on over to my show. It's called The Marriage and Motherhood Podcast. I'm actually going to have Jenna on as a guest there. So check out her episode when it releases. Other than that, I have a free guide I can share with your listeners that will help them gain confidence and clarity to turn conflict into connection. Okay?
So this guide is really going to help walk you through how to properly prepare to initiate a conversation if you two have a conflict or if you have a tough conversation that you need to prepare yourself for like, "Hey, husband or spouse, I want to start a business." This will help you prepare so that you can go into the conversation knowing what it is that you are trying to communicate without trying to feel like you're figuring it out while also listening to them react, which is not a good recipe for great communication.
Jenna: Yeah. Like you said, it's so much about getting yourself in a good place before stepping into that.
Michelle: Yes.
Jenna: Thank you so much, Michelle. I will put everything in the show notes. And I really appreciate your expertise on this because I know that it is part of the equation for sure. And when we're talking about how to quit your job, if a partner is a part of the decision-making process, it is definitely best to know how to handle that communication. So I appreciate you being on and we will talk again soon.
Michelle: Thanks for having me.
-- Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of How to Quit Your Job: A Mom’s Guide to Creating a Life and Business You Love. If you want to learn more about how I can help you stop making excuses and start making moves, head on over to www.jenna.coach. I’ll see you next week.
But when you're communicating with someone and they don't feel heard, they're not going to be inclined to be receptive of whatever it is you're saying. They don't want to understand you because they don't feel understood. So then you build the walls up. And so it's like you two are just talking to yourselves and going nowhere.
Welcome to How to Quit Your Job: A Mom’s Guide to Creating a Life and Business You Love. It’s a podcast that helps working moms just like you, optimize your time, manage your mind, and start a business that helps you create more freedom, flexibility, and, yes, fun. I’m business and mindset coach Jenna Rykiel. And I offer practical tips to help you ditch the nine-to-five. I have been exactly where you are and I know what it takes to make the transition without trading one form of burnout for another. So, let’s get started.
Hi, mom friends. With Valentine's Day just behind us, the timing couldn't be better to talk about something that affects both our hearts and our ambitions: how to get your partner on board with your business dreams. Whether you're thinking about leaving your corporate job or you're already in the early stages of building your business, having your partner's support can make all the difference in your entrepreneurial love story. So I'm thrilled to introduce you to Michelle Purta, who is the guest on this episode.
She is a marriage coach who specializes in helping couples navigate communication challenges and build stronger partnerships. Michelle's own journey from Corporate Life to Entrepreneurship gives her unique insight into the delicate balance of pursuing your dreams while nurturing your most important relationships. In this episode, we explore how to approach those crucial conversations with your partner about starting a business, why resistance often comes from a place of fear, and of course, practical strategies to make it easier for your partner to support your vision.
Michelle shares her personal story of leaving her corporate job after the birth of her second son, and how she discovered her calling as a marriage coach through a series of pretty unexpected turns. You'll learn why treating your partner like an investor in your business can absolutely transform your approach to these conversations, as well as how to set healthy boundaries that protect both your business and your relationships, and why your business should support your life and not the other way around.
We covered it all. So if you've ever struggled with feeling unsupported in your entrepreneurial journey, or you're worried about how starting a business might affect your family life, this episode is packed with actionable insights and heartfelt wisdom that you won't want to miss. I hope you enjoy my conversation with Michelle. Let's dive in.
-- Jenna Rykiel: Hi, Michelle. Thank you so much for being on the podcast.
Michelle Purta: Thank you so much for having me, Jenna. I'm so excited to be here.
Jenna: Yes. So I want to jump right in and talk about getting the support of your partner when you have these awesome ideas, this vision of what you want your life to be and starting a business is part of that vision. But of course, there's buy-in that you need from your partner and maybe that partner is not quite sold on the idea yet.
Michelle: Yeah. So that's a big one. So for this, I mean, with every marriage, whether you start a business or not, communication is huge, right? And it isn't just talking about the thing like, hey, I want to start this business. It's knowing how to talk to them about it.
And so for me, what I realized as I started my business, I had to be very strategic with how I approached my husband who was like the former me where we were, you know, traditional job. I worked in corporate for a lot of years before I quit and started my own business. Whereas he's always worked for some kind of business like in the startup world, not quite corporate, but you got the benefits. You have a secure paycheck that you know is going to come every two weeks or however often you get it. And people like your family, your friends, it's acceptable, right?
It's like, oh, yeah, you follow the traditional track. You went to college, you got a job, you're providing for your family, you have the track that you can follow to get promoted and so on and so forth. But when it comes to starting your own business, everyone's like, are you sure you want to do that? You know, because it's–
Jenna: Including your partner.
Michelle: Exactly. Including your partner because it's different, right? And so it's easy to just receive that feedback hoping for the best but having it sting a little, right? You're like, what? I'm really excited about this. You're supposed to be my person – my lobster for my Friends people – but they're not showing the support that you were hoping to receive and it can hurt. It can feel like a sense of rejecting a part of you. It could feel like having no faith in you. It could feel like, where is my partner in this? And so if you're in this situation, know that it won't always be like that and that there are things that you can do.
And so just from the very start, you got to start looking at your partner as an investor of your business, okay? Whether they're putting money into it or not, they are going to be an investor in your business because you're going to be bootstrapping it, right? It's like you've got extra time you're going to put in because you're so excited. You want to launch it or you want to build it. And so your availability is going to be diminished because of that. You're gonna be constantly thinking about it. You're maybe gonna need some extra childcare to work on the weekends, right? Like that's just the reality of it. Whether it costs money for a babysitter or it costs quality time with your partner and your family.
And so either way, it's gonna affect your partner. And so until you shift that mindset of, hey, you're supposed to support me, to how can I make it easy for them to support me? Yeah. Right? Because we can only control ourselves. We cannot control other people. And so if we shift over and view our partner as an investor, we start to put things together differently. We're a little more tactful with what we communicate and we also put less pressure on them to be like our, you know, rah-rah cheerleaders and instead, we can look for a community of fellow entrepreneurs who are in the thick of it, understand what we're going through and can help boost us up and keep us going.
Whereas your partner might not necessarily ever be that until the results come through because they're looking at, okay, well, you're going from a secure paycheck to I don't know when you're going to make money again. Also, you're putting money into it. So you're kind of like dipping into our savings or retirement or our travel fund, wherever the money is coming from. And so it can be a little scary, whereas when you're working for other people, they're fronting the money for your training, for your education and certifications and whatever, right?
And so it's different. And when there's something different happening, it can be scary. And if they're not used to the world of entrepreneurial, just starting up a business, building a business, especially an online business, it could be like, I don't know that this is the right track, maybe later. Let's wait till we have our footing. Let's wait till XYZ happens. All these excuses come out and it can be really hurtful to us who were so excited. We're like, I finally found something I'm passionate about and I really want to do this and you're being a stop sign for me. You have become an obstacle when I was really looking for you to be my cheerleader.
Jenna: Right. So that part, right? And I loved how you said, make it easy. So let's talk about the situation where you're really excited, but it requires you to leave corporate and give up that paycheck. And you want to make it easy for this person to say yes.
Let's say that they are actually like they are the investor, they are the 51%, right? They are the yes vote that you need. What are some ways to make that communication clearer and make it easy for that person to support you.
Michelle: Yeah. Okay. So first of all, let's talk about if your investor was not your partner, okay? You would have a lot of things put together like your plan, your marketing plan, your business plan. You would tell them exactly what your product suite is or your service is, how much you would charge, how you're going to be marketing and so on and so forth. Some KPIs, what your milestones are and an exit strategy, right? At what point would I be like, okay, this isn't going the way that I thought it would.
So at this point, these are the different routes that I could take. So whether that's get a job part time while I still build it or go back full time but build it on the weekends and they would support me during that time, whatever it is, we would have papers together or a deck ready to present to them so that we could pitch them and get their buy-in and get them to support us financially, right? That's traditionally how an investor works.
Now when it's your partner, it's a little bit different. I mean, all that information, very handy if they need it. But with our partner, we have to lean on the strength of our communication. The biggest mistake that we make as communicators is that when there's some sort of conflict, it doesn't have to be like high stress or like a big fight, but just any potential disagreement, right? We tend to push our point. I want you to understand me. I need you to come onto my side, aka it's like a win-lose game. And so until I can get you onto my side, I'm going to keep saying things to you to convince you to come to my side because this is the only acceptable side that you can have.
But when you're communicating with someone and they don't feel heard, they're not going to be inclined to be receptive of whatever it is you're saying. They don't want to understand you because they don't feel understood. So then you build the walls up. And so it's like you two are just talking to yourselves and going nowhere.
What is most effective is when we try to understand more than we try and get them to understand us. So when it comes to building a business, most times, the partner doesn't appear to be supportive because of fear, okay?
Fear of what's going to happen with our money. Fear of how is this going to affect us as a couple and as a family? Are you still going to be around? Is this going to consume you? What's going to happen to our marriage or our partnership? Are we still going to be okay? Where have you gone? You're always on your phone and when you're around, it doesn't even seem like you're present. I know that I faced that in the early stage of my business.
They could be scared that you're going to fail, so they want to protect you. And so it might come out as, I don't know if you're ready for that. I don't know if you can do that. I don't know who would buy that. But you have to remember, he might be your investor or they might be your investor, but they might not be your ideal customer. So it doesn't matter. Right, it doesn't matter.
Like my husband is not my typical client, right? Like I do work with men, but it's like, I guess maybe he would be because he's all about like personal growth. But anyway, let's say he's not, right? Let's say he hates personal growth and just he is who he is. He would not be like an ideal client for me. And so I should not expect him to be like, that's an incredible idea. I am so bought in. Like you should totally do that.
Jenna: Yeah, he wouldn't be able to see it.
Michelle: Right. Because he doesn't see value in it. I want you listeners to keep that in mind, whoever you're talking to, whether it's friend, relative, spouse, whatever, are they the kind of people that you'd be marketing to in the first place? Because if not, then don't expect them to support you and be like your biggest cheerleader. Okay.
Jenna: Yeah. And a lot of times too, then their opinion, you take it with a grain of salt, right?
Michelle: Exactly. I mean…
Jenna: You should take every opinion with a grain of salt. Even your own opinion with a grain of salt. But take it with a grain of salt because your ideas and the value you can bring in the world, you know that better than anybody else. So I love that, that it's fear because we all can relate to that, right? Because when we're starting, the clients I work with, myself, I'm sure you, everybody feels the sense of fear, fear of failure…
Michelle: The unknown.
Jenna: Everything that you're saying our partner might be afraid of, we have thought of first. And so it's so tricky even for us to overcome fear of failure, for us to overcome fear of how will this change my family, how will this change me, you know, will I be glued to my phone, right? We think that ourselves.
So I imagine that it can be even trickier when we are trying to figure out how to communicate with somebody else about that, right? So now that we know that it could very well be coming from a place of fear. What do we do with that information?
Michelle: Yeah, okay, so the conversation is gonna go way better when we offer them an opportunity to have that fear acknowledged. But they might not be even aware that that's what's stopping them from supporting you. So if you know your spouse is normally very supportive of you and all of a sudden with this idea, they're like, "No, absolutely not." Flush it out, right? Have a conversation about it. Because once that's out in the open, you guys can work together as partners to figure out how can we make sure that your worst fear is not going to come true.
Let's play out all the scenarios. Let's talk about what we can do to ensure that that doesn't happen. And this is a really beautiful opportunity for you to set up boundaries for yourself, for your family, raise your awareness of how you want to operate as a business because your business should never be your baby, right? Your babies are your babies. Your marriage is your life and your business is supporting that life.
So don't let it ever get switched, okay? Because the life that you're building with your family, that's it. That's the one. That's where your focus should be because that's what brings the highest quality of life to you.
Jenna: And I want to, if you don't mind me jumping in right there, because I have always talked with people about their business being their baby, and I have never thought of it as a problem. And not that you're saying it's absolutely a problem, because I do like the connection. But at the same time, you're absolutely right. And I see so often the reason that a lot of moms are leaving corporate to start a business is for things like flexibility and being able to focus on their family and their human babies. And it's such an important reminder because when we do think of that all of our attention and all of our care and TLC needs to go to this business because it's our second baby or third baby or first baby, right?
Then we lose that sense of our why and why we are doing this in the first place. So I absolutely, it's like the first time I'm hearing it put that way and I'm all for it. I'm here for it because it is such an important thing. Like we are doing this for ourselves, but for our family and for our kiddos. And forgetting that and getting caught up in this treating our business like our baby, it creates such an expectation that so much of our time and energy and life goes to the business. And that's not what it's all about.
Michelle: No, I mean, build your business. Yes. Do what fulfills you. And your relationships are what brings meaning and fulfillment into your life. So don't forget that part, right?
Because at the end of the day, you're going to close your laptop. You're going to leave your desk. Who's going to be there? Is it people who resent you because you're never around and when you are, you're not actually there like mentally and you're cranky all the time because like, don't get me wrong, I'm giving you all these like tips and advice because I did the opposite, okay? So when I first started my business, I was like, okay, the more I work, the faster I'm going to get wherever there is, right? Like six figures or whatever it was, right?
Jenna: And then you can be more present. Exactly. And then you can be more available.
Michelle: And I found myself getting really annoyed with everybody, right? So at the time, my son, my second son, who was a baby at the time, was home with me. And whenever he needed me, I'd be annoyed, right? Because I'm like, I'm trying to work. But then when I was with him and trying to be with him, my mind would be thinking about work.
So it's like I was never fully present with whatever I was supposed to be doing. And I started snapping at my husband more and I was just like yelling at my oldest a lot more. And I was like, what is happening? This is not it. This is not the life that I'm trying to build.
I'm calling myself a marriage coach and this is what's happening? Like no, we need a hard reset, right? And so at that point, that's when I realized, you know what, Michelle, you don't have to be wherever there is for you to reap the benefits of the reason why you started this business in the first place, which is to do something that brings meaning to my life, but also gives me the flexibility to be the type of wife and mom that I want to be, right? The mom who gets to drop their kids off at school and go volunteer at school and go to field trips and have a delicious meal ready and not just like those quick meals. And yet, I was the kind of wife and mom who was just constantly irritable.
I'm like, something's got to change. And so I had to start setting boundaries for myself like, okay, if I worked for someone else, what would that look like? I would have set working hours, right? I would not let my boss continuously have access to me when I'm not supposed to be working. I would have these hard boundaries and yet I am now my worst boss. That's not okay with me.
Jenna: Yeah. I talk about that often where it's like you leave corporate, you're leaving, and then you're signing up with the most critical boss that you've ever had. And actually, I love that topic of who you become and who you want to become, right? Because I think motherhood and business are two of the best personal development in disguise. We may have talked about that before.
Michelle: And marriage.
Jenna: Yes. Amen. And to check ourselves and say, are we becoming the better version of ourselves? Because business, motherhood and marriage will help you become a better version of yourself if you have the awareness to be able to pause and reflect and say, okay, is this going in the direction? Am I growing into the person that I want to be?
Am I fulfilling that vision for myself? And often I do talk about it too, where it's like if you're not becoming a better version of yourself, you have to really make a decision on whether you keep doing what you're doing or you pivot. And pivot could just be boundaries, setting those boundaries. It could be pivoting and doing something different, something that aligns with your vision for flexibility and all of that in being present with your family. But you do need to have the pause button and the reset button available to you because it's not worth it if you're not having fun and if you're not becoming the better version of yourself.
Michelle: Yeah, because then what's the point? Just go get a job again. You'd probably have more freedom at that point.
Jenna: Yeah, for sure. So we talked about the fear and we talked about our partners feeling heard. Are there any communication, like quick tips there for helping somebody feel heard? Because it all sounds well and good, right? To be able to be in that conversation and to be thinking about the other person and to be recognizing that maybe they're feeling afraid and let me, you know, kind of cater to this and make it easy for them to, you know, collaborate with me and come up with a plan.
But you know, we're humans and we have those feelings that come up where and maybe it's our automatic thinking of, you know, win-lose situation and all or nothing and all of those things that come up. So are there ways that we can show that we're listening, show that we are putting their feelings first for the greater good of the relationship and of the goals of our communication.
Michelle: Yeah. So I teach a communication method called the Peace Method and the short of the long of it or long of it, I don't know how you say it. Anyway, the brief version of that is that you need to first figure out your thoughts and your feelings around this. When we do that, we can go into the conversation with a larger capacity to hear them out without being so reactive, okay? Because they're gonna have their thoughts, they're gonna have their feelings because you've been thinking about this a lot, whereas this might be very fresh in their mind and it's just like, it's like they just got slapped in the face with a surprise that they weren't wanting and they're scared.
What do we do when we're scared? We're very like reactive. And so when we can support ourselves and feel grounded before going into the conversation, we can then handle and observe their process of taking in the information and not take things so personally. So we can just like witness it. I call it the roller coaster, right? We don't have to join them on the roller coaster. We could just stay in the line and just observe them going through the notions of like the highs and the lows.
And then when they're calm, you can have that conversation so that you can let them know, okay, yeah, that totally makes sense why that would concern you, right? Like don't make it personal, just let them have their moment and like empathize like, yeah, that's very different than what I was doing and I could see why I'd be worried and yeah, I would never want to put our family in that position. And so validating them, acknowledging their fear so that they can then come down from the angst and potential stress of it all.
And then once they feel heard, then you guys can start like coming up with a game plan. Okay. So I don't want to put us out. I don't want to be homeless either. I don't want to – whatever their worst fears are, right? I don't want to get divorced. Then talk about, okay, so what do you need from me to make sure that you feel okay with this because either way I want to do this but I want to make sure that it works for us instead of against us so that they know you're on their team.
It's not like hey, I'm gonna do this and sucks for you if it doesn't work out. Like that's not what you're saying, right? Like you don't go into it.
Jenna: Or I'm not gonna do this because I don't wanna have the conversation or I don't want to at least try to figure out what this needs to look like or what we need to do in order to make it work.
Michelle: Yeah. No, don't do that either because look, you've got one life. You're not a cat, right? You got one life and you better make it count. Okay?
Because I will have to say like, even though owning a business is a lot, it's not always sunshine and rainbows and Jenna will be the first person to tell you that. I don't regret it. It's probably one of the better decisions I've ever made. And it's been so fulfilling to get to do something that is so meaningful to me, where I get to help people and help them in their marriages and feel better about themselves and their life and the motherhood that they're experiencing. And I would never go back.
Jenna: Yeah. Speaking of, this seems like a great segue for us to talk about that journey of getting to where you are now. And there's so much that I feel like is relatable. Just before we pressed record, we were talking about it too. And so much that I think will help listeners who are right now exactly where you were in 2017, 2018.
So let's start by saying, give us the short of it or the long story short of it of how you got your business started and really what drove that for you. Like what inspired you to take that step, to leave corporate, to have those conversations with your partner and to then now start your business?
Michelle: Yeah. So yeah, I was working corporate for a really long time. And when I had my second son, he's my first biological son. My oldest is my stepson. Call it fate. I don't know what happened, but I was just constantly seeing videos on Facebook about abusive childcare workers. And so when it was time to look for childcare because I would have to go back to work after my maternity leave ran out, I was like, oh my gosh, I can't in good conscious send my baby who can't talk yet and tell me that something's wrong to a stranger to care for him all day long.
So every time I thought of looking up child care, I just broke down into tears. I physically couldn't do it. And that's not something that normally happens for me. Yeah, I'm a crier, but no, that was very extreme. And so I was like, look, Steven, my husband, it's like, I can't, I'm sorry. Like, we're just gonna have to figure it out. I will drain my 401k if I need to, but like, I'm not doing it.
And so he was like, okay, like, and he knew that I was dead serious because I would have never ever, ever suggested that unless I was really serious. And so I quit. And during that time, I was like, okay, well, I can't just sit around and be a stay-at-home mom. That's not me.
And so I was like, okay, let's figure it out. What am I going to do? And so I was dabbling in all kinds of things and I felt like, what am I doing? At one point, I wanted to design t-shirts and sell them with positive affirmations and open an Etsy shop. And fun fact, I was going to call it Drawn to Love. But anyway, and then I became a VA for a winery and worst boss ever. And then for some reason, I don't know how I connected with this like mom coach down in the LA area at the time I was living in the Bay Area. That's where I grew up and was raised. And I became a VA for her.
And just like serendipitously, I don't know how this happened, but she was developing like this 12-week group coaching program for moms with like big audacious goals to like come in and we would like support them and whatever. And so she's like, "Why don't you just be a part of it for free? You're already helping me develop it anyway." And so I was like, okay, I don't know what my goal is going to be.
And in the background, I was doing some soul searching like, what should I do? Asking my friends like, what do you see me doing? One friend was like, "You should look into becoming a life coach?" And I was like, "What the heck is a life coach? I do not have my life together. I am the last person who should be advising people on what they should be doing with their life." And she's like, "Just talk to my coach. She's been doing it for over 30 years. She's really good." It's like, okay, fine.
And so I talked to her and I did some research about like what a life coach does. And I was like, oh, I guess I kind of do have those characteristics. And I do that kind of stuff already. I might as well get paid helping people. Like I have a psychology degree. So like I genuinely love getting to know people and helping them.
And so I landed on marriage coaching because just looking back, when I was in the group coaching program, we would all help each other out. And for some reason, husbands kept coming up. And I always had something to say. And so I was like, oh, maybe that's it.
But hindsight is 20/20 and it makes total sense because my upbringing, I grew up in a household where my parents eventually got divorced. They were horrible at communicating. Partnership was nonexistent. My mom's a classic martyr. My dad was like, "Oh, well, I'm just going to do whatever I feel like doing and have fun." And therefore, I struggled in my personal relationships and had to grow a lot in that arena for me to have the marriage I have today. And I was like, well, I know what that's like and I know how having kids affects your marriage. So I'm going to help women who are struggling in that, who are struggling with communication, who are struggling with partnership. And now we're here.
Jenna: And the rest is history. Yeah. Well, I love that. First of all, being able to make such a powerful decision in your life early on as a mom to say, I do not feel great about putting my child in, in childcare and I'm going to figure out a way to not do that. Now, of course, my son is in a daycare now, like a real daycare, and every mom struggles with that decision, right?
But it's being able to see having options, right? It's not necessarily always, I have to do this the traditional way. And being able to make that decision of, this is something I feel strongly about, and I'm gonna figure out a way to not do it.
And then the other piece is that you doing different things and taking action and whatever steps you took in the t-shirt business or in the Etsy shop like maybe you set up a shop maybe you didn't but doing the VA dabbling in these different things and I'm sure you had a lot of mental drama the entire time, but doing things where you're actually taking action and learning, learning more about what you don't want to do, right? Working with that terrible boss person and then finding out more of what you do want to do, right?
Like it lighting you up to work on this coach's group program. And it's so important because we feel like we need to have it figured out before we take the steps. And it's actually in taking steps and failing a little bit or gaining a little bit more experience and knowledge that our path becomes more and more solidified and clear. And you're a perfect example of that, right? Because I think you've said it before too, maybe when we were offline, like, let's go back to like 20, maybe 15 or something like that.
Michelle: No, I would have laughed at you.
Jenna: Yeah, and it's amazing that not only is this life available to you, it means that it's available to anyone. Because I always tell people too, like you and I aren't special. Like if we can do this, any mom can do this. And it's the having the belief that we can blow our own minds and that we can create something that maybe we didn't even think was possible at one time.
Michelle: Yeah, absolutely. Like open up the chances for you to be surprised by yourself, honestly. Because yeah, either way, you're gonna experience hardships. Whether you stay with your job and you hate it. Let's talk about that a little bit because that puts such a…
Jenna: A strain on the marriage.
Michelle: A strain on the marriage, a strain on your personal life. Like you spend more time working than you do with your family. Absolutely. So let's choose wisely.
Jenna: It's such a good point because also by doing the thing that lights you up or that you think will fulfill you more than your corporate job, that has such a ripple effect in every other piece of your life. I've talked about with someone else before the circle of responsibility, right? You need to make sure that you're good before you can take care of other people.
And by showing up every day at a job that you absolutely despise and that feels like it is crumbling you and a terrible environment, that has a ripple effect as well. And there's resentment and there's being short fused, like everything that you were talking about earlier, being irritable.
And I'm sure people can relate to that feeling now by being in corporate and having this idea for a vision of a business and a life of flexibility and time with the family that they aren't going after. I think there's a whole other conversation on how stepping into entrepreneurship actually is better for the marriage.
Michelle: Oh, a thousand percent. I mean, anything that will contribute to your own happiness is going to be good for the marriage. Like as long as it's not like, you know, stepping out on your marriage unless you have an open marriage, like that's a whole different subject. But anything that will help you be more you, that's a good thing in my opinion, right? So as long as you're communicating with your spouse and you're still dedicating that quality time with each other, keeping each other on the same page and growing alongside them and choosing that because marriage is truly a choice and you're constantly making it.
It's like you're either choosing your marriage or you're not choosing your marriage. So as long as you're choosing your marriage alongside choosing yourself, everything should work out.
Jenna: Yeah. Yeah, I love that. I feel like we could talk forever about these things. How can people learn more about you? How can they work with you?
I know you also have talked about topics like this and you have resources. So tell everybody about those things and I'll of course link them in the show notes.
Michelle: Yeah, so I'm a marriage coach and I work with moms as well as couples to help them communicate. Okay, so if you're struggling with communication, let's say you can't even get through an argument without like it just needing to just stop, right? And you're not getting to a resolution and it feels like your fights are getting nowhere, we got to talk, okay? Because I help couples learn how to fight the right way so that conflict can just stay a conversation.
Conflict does not have to become an argument. In my world, I say conflict is inevitable because obviously you're going to disagree. And that's healthy because that means there's honesty in the relationship and there's room for growth. However, while conflict is inevitable, arguing is optional. So that's my whole world is helping you realize that and helping you choose that so that you could spend more time connecting, actually wanting to be with each other, enjoying each other, being married the way that you saw yourself being married, rather than spending all this time fighting and then being in between fights, right?
It's like you just had your fight and then it's like, okay, awkward phase of getting back together again and then you have another fight. Let's not do that, okay? There's so much to life that you can experience together. That's not it. And it's just really a matter of getting the right tools and awareness of yourself.
So to connect with me, I love to hang out on Threads. Something about it is like very throwback Facebook vibes. And I like that I don't have to make a visual to go with it. My creativity is in the kitchen, not so much creating graphics. And I'm also on Instagram where I share new episodes and one-off things. And I have my own podcast, so go check that out. That's probably the best place you can go to because if you're here, that means you listen to podcasts.
So hop on over to my show. It's called The Marriage and Motherhood Podcast. I'm actually going to have Jenna on as a guest there. So check out her episode when it releases. Other than that, I have a free guide I can share with your listeners that will help them gain confidence and clarity to turn conflict into connection. Okay?
So this guide is really going to help walk you through how to properly prepare to initiate a conversation if you two have a conflict or if you have a tough conversation that you need to prepare yourself for like, "Hey, husband or spouse, I want to start a business." This will help you prepare so that you can go into the conversation knowing what it is that you are trying to communicate without trying to feel like you're figuring it out while also listening to them react, which is not a good recipe for great communication.
Jenna: Yeah. Like you said, it's so much about getting yourself in a good place before stepping into that.
Michelle: Yes.
Jenna: Thank you so much, Michelle. I will put everything in the show notes. And I really appreciate your expertise on this because I know that it is part of the equation for sure. And when we're talking about how to quit your job, if a partner is a part of the decision-making process, it is definitely best to know how to handle that communication. So I appreciate you being on and we will talk again soon.
Michelle: Thanks for having me.
-- Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of How to Quit Your Job: A Mom’s Guide to Creating a Life and Business You Love. If you want to learn more about how I can help you stop making excuses and start making moves, head on over to www.jenna.coach. I’ll see you next week.
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