77. What’s Your Self-Love Language? How to Build Real Self-Care Into Everyday Life
We all know how important it is to take care of ourselves. But let’s be real, how often do we put ourselves last? As moms, we have a million things on our plates, and self-care can feel like another task we should be checking off.
The truth is, self-care doesn’t have to be another to-do item on the list. It doesn’t have to look like a day at the spa or a weekend away. In fact, it’s the simple, everyday moments that make the biggest difference.
In this episode, I’m diving into how self-care can be naturally woven into your day without adding stress or guilt. Plus, I’m sharing a tool that helps you tap into your self-love language, so you can recharge in ways that feel right for you. You’ll learn how to make self-care work for your unique lifestyle, no matter how busy or full your days are.
Ready for clarity and a simple action plan to get your business started? Schedule a free 1-hour consultation with me here!
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
How the five love languages apply to self-care.
Why micro-moments of care are more sustainable than grand gestures
The research-backed benefits of breaks for focus, creativity, and presence.
Practical examples of self-care for each love language that fit into busy mom life.
Why some traditional self-care advice might not work for you (and that's okay).
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
Click here for step-by-step instructions to leave a rating and review to let me know what you think, and don’t forget to share the podcast with others who you think would benefit!
If you're looking for the right environment to start your networking journey, look no further than my group, the Mom Entrepreneurs Circle. Sign up here for mutual support, advice sharing, and the tools you need for both you and your business to thrive.
26. Holiday Self-Care: How to Show Up for Yourself This Season
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn PhD
Full Episode Transcript:
When you take care of yourself, you're a calmer, more present version of you. I know when I'm running on empty, I'm distracted, I'm snappy, and kind of lame. Not fun to be around. Okay? My kids can feel it. But when I fill up my own cup, even in small ways, even if that means missing out on something or saying no to something, everything feels lighter.
Welcome to How to Quit Your Job, the podcast for moms ready to ditch the nine-to-five and build a life and business they love. I’m your host, Jenna Rykiel. Let’s go.
Hi, mom friends. I did a Peloton workout this morning, and the instructor said something that stuck with me. She said, "We are all one-of-a-kind, special editions." And she was talking about the importance of taking care of ourselves in this one life and body that we have. And it got me thinking about how we actually build that into the fabric of our lives.
Because self-care isn't just trendy or nice to have, we are literally the most valuable assets in our families, our lives, and yes, our businesses or soon-to-be businesses if we are just getting started. And yet, we rarely treat ourselves that way.
So, this week, I want to remind you that you are the most valuable asset in both your family and your business. Whether you've started the business or not, whether you have a traditional family or not, if there's one thing I know about women, it's that we are always the asset, the most valuable asset.
And since the world at large hasn't quite caught up to treating us that way, we're going to start our own little revolution this week. Because this week, we are deciding to see ourselves as assets, okay? And to treat ourselves that way.
And before you roll your eyes and think that this is another thing that I'm putting on your to-do list, I want you to know that this isn't about doing more or less, for that matter. It's not about adding pressure or giving yourself more mental clutter.
In this episode, I'm going to give you a new tool, a new way of thinking about taking care of yourself, so that it actually becomes part of your day and your week. It starts to be embedded in the fabric of your life and starts to feel easy. By the end of this episode, you'll be able to spot really small and natural ways to recharge because this mindset shift really does create time and permission for moments of self-care. Just like it did for one of my clients recently, and the coaching tools and the coaching that we talked through were just too good not to share with a broader audience.
So, self-care is that thing we all know we should be doing, but somehow it's always the first thing to fall off the list. And even when we make time for it, it can feel a little bit off, okay? It can feel forced, like another task that needs to be checked off.
And when we sit down to do the self-care, we're thinking about a million other things we should be doing and wonder if we're even doing self-care right. Okay, if that sounds familiar, if this is you, nothing is wrong with you. You're in good company. I promise you may just need permission to do self-care differently and to think about it differently.
And that's what we're diving into today: how to be more intentional about caring for yourself in your own way, okay? Which means no guilt, no comparison, no second-guessing, all of those things that we like to do. And by the end of this conversation, you'll know exactly what helps to fill up your cup and how to actually make space for it.
And this isn't the first time I've talked about self-care. I did an episode about a year ago, episode 26, "A Holiday Self-Care: How to Show Up for Yourself This Season." So if you want more on this topic, if you want more insights, more tools, you can check out episode 26 as well.
But for today's conversation, it's a little bit different. The tool is different. I didn't talk about it last time at all. And for today's conversation, I do also want to talk about the elephant in the room, which is that I know you don't feel like you have time for self-care. Every mom I coach says the same thing. And yet, when you do it in a way that lights you up, it actually gives you back time and energy.
There's research that backs this up. Breaks and self-care are just as important as work periods and nonstop parenting. Okay, they're just as important for us and for our littles. Breaks and moments of reprieve, whatever that looks like, which I'll talk about in a second. These breaks and moments of reprieve, they combat mental fatigue, they boost our focus, it reduces procrastination, and even sparks creativity for us, okay? And that's not just important for your business. Those skills and those tools and those benefits are not just important for your business. It's also really essential for parenting.
Every mom I've ever worked with wants to be more present with her kids. Everyone says that. And you know what's required for presence? Focus. The ability to be where your feet are. One of my favorite books is called "Wherever You Go, There You Are," and it's essentially about mindfulness and being present. But your brain can't focus if it's exhausted. It can't be present if it's exhausted and depleted. It needs breaks. Those little micro moments of recharge will help you show up differently at the playground, at dinner, or in those business decisions.
And I mentioned that it helps improve creativity. And I want to digress for just a moment about creativity because a lot of moms that I work with want to start a business because they want to tap into their creativity. They don't feel like they're using the creative parts of their brain in their traditional nine-to-five role. And they want to tap back into that. And you might think that creativity only applies to business and starting a business when we're thinking of it that way. But creativity is so essential in parenting, too.
Just the other day, my oldest son, Adley, who's three, was refusing to leave the playground and also covering himself in dirt for fun. It was so frustrating. So frustrating. And I know we've all been there where our kids just turn into a noodle when we try and kind of pick them up and get them to go where we want them to go.
But anyway, so I was frustrated, but because we'd just gone on a family walk earlier that day, a moment of rest and recharge for me, even though I was still on mom duty, I was feeling a bit more patient and mentally recharged. So instead of forcing him or raising my voice, which are often my mode of communication when I'm exhausted and depleted and torn down, I decided to turn into a dinosaur and chase him home.
It was a moment of stretching my creative muscle and thinking about, what can I do to make this fun and to also get the results that I want? And so I turned into a dinosaur. I chased him home. He immediately joined in. He was laughing and running. We got home in like three minutes from the playground.
And that moment of playfulness only happened because I wasn't totally depleted. And I wasn't totally depleted because I took care of myself that day. It wasn't just the walk, even though that was a big piece of it, but I also properly planned out my day, and it went mostly to plan, okay? Which I know it doesn't always do.
I also had calls with clients that filled up my cup. I listened to a really energizing podcast on my way to pick up Adley from preschool. And then, of course, we went on that family walk to see a little excavator that was parked in the neighborhood, like a real one, but it was smaller than most. Dinner was also already planned that day because every Monday, we eat the exact same meal to make things easier.
And so I was not feeling completely depleted at 5:00 PM on the playground with Adley on a Monday. And that's what self-care looks like in real life for most of us moms. It's not grand gestures. It's not complete spa days or weekends away, although those are great, and I'll talk about them in a second, for when I share the tool. But these real-life micro moments or small decisions throughout the day and within the fabric of your life, this is what allows you to respond differently.
So then how do we find time for ourselves when it already feels impossible? And this is one of the first things that I tackle with clients because if we can't create space for micro moments of care, we'll never have the capacity to create a business or make any meaningful change that we want in our life. So we start by learning to truly see time differently, okay? To see it as abundant. Every mom's situation is unique, but this pattern is universal. There's always going to be hidden time when we start looking through a lens of abundance instead of scarcity.
I've said it before on this podcast, but when we say we have no time, we will always find evidence to support that, which shuts down any possibility of finding time to create change, the change that we really want to see, or the goals that we really want to achieve. When we say we do have time, or even if we say, "It's possible that I might be able to create some time," just that little bit opens the door to find evidence for more time.
I also want to offer that part of creating time for yourself is deciding that you are important and that your needs are important, even when it feels like they're not. When you take care of yourself, you're a calmer, more present version of you. I know when I'm running on empty, I'm distracted, I'm snappy, and kind of lame. Not fun to be around. Okay? My kids can feel it. But when I fill up my own cup, even in small ways, even if that means missing out on something or saying no to something, everything feels lighter.
A few weeks ago, this idea was so real for me, and it hit me personally. It was one of those really chaotic and hectic Saturdays that we all know, where there's a ton of errands, there was a birthday party, there was a playground meetup, and there were many meltdowns all before noon.
My youngest, who's a year old, Jude, he woke up at 5:00 AM that day, which is rare and not great for my family dynamic. And he also took a short car nap on the way to the birthday party, which meant his real nap at 1:00 was going to be a toss-up. So I told myself, okay, if Jude actually naps today, I'm going to walk down to that little pho restaurant that I pass every day after I pick up Adley from preschool.
My husband isn't a pho person, so it's something I usually only get when I visit my dad. Also, pho is a Vietnamese soup, and I'm likely not pronouncing it accurately. We spent some time in Vietnam, and I never could exactly get it right. So I apologize for not pronouncing it correctly. And if you don't know what the soup is, I highly recommend it. But my husband is not a fan, and so we don't order it very often. I hadn't had it in months. And so it was a spot in my neighborhood that I really wanted to try out.
And miraculously, Jude did nap that day. So while the house was quiet, I took a walk, a half-mile walk in the sunshine, and I sat down for a solo lunch, which, if you haven't done that in your adulthood or in your mom era, I highly recommend it. No diaper bag, no baby monitor, just me and the sound of my own soup slurping. It was so simple and peaceful and completely unremarkable. And at the same time, totally sacred.
And on the walk home, I thought, that was exactly what I needed. Not a full day off or a fancy spa retreat, just a small one-hour pocket of time where I could just be with myself. And that's the thing about self-care. Again, it's rarely the big gestures. It's the intentional small moments that remind you who you are.
A few days later, I coached a client on this exact topic. And all of these things are cumulating into the inspiration for this episode. But I also want to share her experience because she said, "I know I need to take better care of myself. I even block off time for it, but when it comes, I never actually do it." And we've all been there. We plan it, we schedule it, and then somehow that time disappears.
And when I asked what self-care meant to her, like what did that mean? She said, "Good question," and then she listed things like reading, journaling, and taking a bath, and all these wonderful things. But I could tell that those things didn't light her up, okay? They felt like things she was supposed to do.
So I talked to her about self-love languages. And I could tell it was an aha moment with lots of relief around this topic of self-care. And this is the tool that I'm really excited to share with you in this episode because I think this will open up so many additional opportunities for self-care. And I know I've given a couple examples already in this episode that are woven into some of the stories, but this is something that you can easily apply to your life and reflect on so that you can get better at finding moments of recharge.
You've probably heard of the five love languages. So, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch. If you don't know the five love languages, please go to the show notes, jenna.coach/77. We will link some resources to it. It's a really powerful tool in communication and understanding how you give love and receive love in relationships.
So, usually we think about love languages in relationships. That's how the concept was first talked about. That's how it is popularly known. That's what the book is all about. This is all from a book, and I can't think of the author right now, but I'll put it in the notes.
So it's normally with relationships, but we can apply that same framework to ourselves and loving ourselves and how we feel love. And when we do, it changes everything. Just like it's important in any relationship to know the other person's love language, how they receive love, it's important to know our own for ourselves, so that when we are aiming to take care of ourselves, we do it in a way that's energizing and not forced.
I'm going to go through each of the love languages, and I'm going to talk about it and how it shows up for self-care. And my hope is that as you hear me talking about each of these love languages, you start to think about some of these concepts, some of these examples, and how it speaks to you, whether it strikes a chord of, "Oh my gosh, yes, that's my love language for myself and how I want to practice self-care," or like, "No, that sounds terrible. I don't want to sit down for a massage with a stranger," or, "I don't want to clean the kitchen."
So be listening to that. Go to the show notes to get a transcript of the episode if you want to capture all of these examples. I'll also talk about, after going through them, I want to give you some tools for figuring out your own self-love language.
So the first love language is acts of service. Okay, so this is feeling calm when things are done. So when we use acts of service as a self-love language and as a moment of self-care, it's not about control. It's not about getting more done. It's about a sense of relief. And so this might mean something like clearing the kitchen counter. It might mean planning meals. It might mean taking out that donation bag, right? Those are all acts of compassion toward yourself.
Now, people might argue with me about this, but this is a permission slip. If you have a day off and it doesn't feel energizing to lounge around or do a spa day, there's nothing wrong with you. If there's a part of you that desperately wants to reorganize closets and the pantry or clean the toilets, if that feels good to you, consider that self-care, okay? Your love language is acts of service, and so crossing things off the to-do list can give you that sense of recharge.
And yes, there's also research to combat that and to say you actually need to take a break. But I want to give you permission to allow those things to be a recharge if that is what you are feeling pulled to do, not from a place of pressure or a place of too much on your to-do list, but truly from this place of it feeling like a relief to cross things off.
Really know for yourself if acts of service is your love language because there's a difference between acts of service being your love language and you just wanting to get more done, which is not necessarily recharging.
The second love language is receiving gifts. So this is feeling like recharged or having moments of recharge when you give yourself something. So, like a gift or something small for yourself. It's not about the price. It's about the meaning and the act and how you feel.
So also like shop therapy falls into this category, although definitely be careful about some of those habits, right? You definitely want to be in control. You want it to be a treat, and you don't want it to be something that you go overboard with.
So it's more about the meaning behind it: a nice coffee, a candle, a cozy sweater, something that feels like a treat where you're reminding yourself, "I get to receive too, okay? I'm important." When you then see that item, like you light that candle, it's a continuous gift that keeps on giving, right? You're reminded of that achievement, or you're reminded of that accomplishment, or reminded that you just, you are the asset.
I have a client whose self-care language is fancy coffee drinks, and I love it. Any moment that she needs a pick-me-up or if she is celebrating something in her business, she's celebrating with a fancy coffee. And it's amazing.
So her self-care language and those micro moments of sipping that latte is an important part of filling up her cup. And it's honestly easily built into the fabric of her life. After she drops off the kids at school, she swings by and picks up that fancy coffee, and then she has this moment of just delight for the next however many minutes before she returns home, and then has a whole list of other responsibilities.
Which leads me to love language number three, which is quality time. So just like I talked about that client sipping that coffee, quiet, or in this moment all by herself, after she drops all the kids off, all four kids off, that's a moment of quality time. And so if your love language is quality time, stillness restores you.
So examples of this might be journaling or going for a walk by yourself without your phone, eating lunch alone, kind of like I did when I went to get pho, or just sitting with your coffee in the morning and breathing, right? Like having a moment where you really allow yourself to just be with yourself. You're saying, "I am worthy of my own attention."
This self-care language is all about moments of reprieve, and trust me, it doesn't have to be long stretches of time. Yes, my date with myself was about an hour excursion, which felt like a total luxury. But you can try just spending an extra five minutes in the shower doing nothing. My husband does that basically every shower, and it drives me crazy, but mostly because I'm jealous that I don't think to do it.
So this is your permission slip to spend some extra time in those private spaces where kids aren't grabbing at your ankles. Sit in the car for an extra minute or two before pickup or after drop off, listening to an audiobook or listening to your favorite podcast. Before you return to the chaos of the day, spend a moment of quality time with yourself if that's your self-love language.
The fourth love language is words of affirmation. So words can be such a powerful tool with self-care. It truly rewires our brain, the words we use, how we think, how we talk to ourselves. So if words of affirmation is your love language, this would be like journaling about your wins, writing positive thoughts on sticky notes, listening to something uplifting.
If that sort of thing really recharges you, there are simple ways to build that into your day for moments of self-care, things that don't take up any additional amount of time, like putting a sticky note reminder on your computer about being the most important asset of your family.
Remind yourself all the reasons that you are awesome and look at that post-it note countless times throughout the day. Consider creating a folder of like nice emails that people send you, or take screenshots of nice texts you receive from family or friends or clients, and keep it in a place that you can refer to it regularly. Read one or two a day or a week, or turn to it when you're feeling depleted for an end-of-day pick-me-up. So with words of affirmation, it's really retraining your inner voice to speak kindly, and that's really powerful self-care.
The last love language is physical touch. So this is ways that you reconnect with your body. So things like stretching, working out, going for walks, skincare, warm showers, even maybe some like meditation where you're placing your hand on your heart and taking a breath. It's your way of saying, "You're safe. I've got you."
So many of my clients start their day with some movement, so going for a walk. Movement is medicine, and it really helps to ground us before our day starts. So before we even start our day, if we can prioritize moving our body a little bit, it's such an important start to the day.
If connecting with your body is a self-love language that speaks to you, you got to schedule time for it. Again, this doesn't have to be long either. It doesn't have to be a sixty-minute workout. You could stretch for five minutes before bed every night, or maybe five minutes of stretching in the shower each morning, and that could really feel energizing. As long as it's intentional and you are doing it with the sense of taking care of yourself, it's so powerful.
You could also start your day with five minutes of yoga, a quick set of push-ups, or something physical. Maybe five or ten push-ups, which may or may not be your cup of tea, but I promise it would only take a couple minutes. There are so many ways to commit to yourself, moments of self-care based on your self-love language. And when you start taking care of yourself in the way that you naturally feel loved, it stops feeling like a task, and it really starts to refuel you.
And the best part of all of this is that each of these can happen in micro moments. Self-care doesn't require hours or days or weekends. It just has to be a little bit intentional, and you have to be honest with yourself about what feels good to you.
So if you're not sure which one fits, I want you to think about the last time you felt genuinely recharged or genuinely uplifted. I want you to think about what you were doing. Were you moving or still? Were you alone or with people? What about the experience made you exhale? When's the last time that you really felt some relief and like you could put your feet up and just relax your shoulders and exhale? Think about what you were doing, and it doesn't have to be big or long-lasting. But I want you to know for yourself what types of things feel like recharge in your day.
And again, like I said, it doesn't have to be something that lasted weeks or months or days. When I got pho, I felt recharged for like an hour before the chaos returned. But that little window was enough to reset me. And honestly, even today, when I think back to that lunch by myself, even just the memory of it, and how it felt to take care of myself and choose something intentional that I really wanted, it helps me to feel energized in this moment. Just the memory of it helps me to feel energized right now.
And that's the power of creating these moments of self-care. They remind you that you can find peace in the middle of all the chaos.
So to bring this all together, I want to remind you that you are the most important asset in your life and family, and taking care of that asset is so important for everyone involved.
I want you to think about what your self-care love language is this week. And I want you to think about what it would look like to honor it this week. It's honestly maybe something that's already in your week that you're already doing, but you just don't treat it like self-care. You don't think of it like self-care.
Maybe it's a quiet walk, maybe it's clearing the kitchen counter, maybe it's saying something kind to yourself before bed. Implement something or notice something in your daily schedule or week that could be a self-love language that refuels you. And whatever it is, let it count, okay? Feel good about the moments that allow you to express your self-love language.
And listen, if you're struggling with this concept, if you've been out of the self-care game for so long that you don't even know which way is up, I get it. And if you are absolutely sure that you have no time for self-care, I really want to change that for you. I really want you to be the type of person who has time to take care of themselves. I've seen these shifts for so many other moms, and I know that these results are possible for anyone willing to open up the conversation, okay?
So if you're open to having a conversation, please schedule a free consultation with me. You can go to my website and find my scheduling link at jenna.coach.
Or you can go to the show notes of this episode, jenna.coach/77, and you can find that scheduling link. And in that one hour together, we'll create a plan for you to have more time and how you can create time and how you can create energy. I want you to have a business and life that gives you time, that gives you energy, and that gives you space for what truly matters. And the only way that we can do that is if we open up the conversation of possibility.
That's all for this week. If you're still with me, I do have one ask. Please go ahead and follow the podcast. I was never one to follow podcasts, but now that I'm on the other side creating the content, I realize how powerful it is to have people opting in to support the show and be reminded of new episodes each week.
If you follow the podcast, you'll never miss a beat. And I know I'm biased, but this podcast is such an amazing resource for staying committed to your business goals.
Every week, I release a new idea or tool that you can go back and apply to your life and business journey. And every week, I'm cheering you on and reminding you why you can do this and why this work matters. Every week, you have a gentle reminder to keep you moving forward. Sometimes by taking action, and sometimes just by taking care of yourself. And we all need that in our life. So click that follow button and let's make this happen.
Okay, my friend. Thanks for listening, and I will see you next week. Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of How to Quit Your Job: A Mom’s Guide to Creating a Life and Business You Love. If you want to learn more about how I can help you stop making excuses and start making moves, head on over to www.jenna.coach. I’ll see you next week.
Welcome to How to Quit Your Job, the podcast for moms ready to ditch the nine-to-five and build a life and business they love. I’m your host, Jenna Rykiel. Let’s go.
Hi, mom friends. I did a Peloton workout this morning, and the instructor said something that stuck with me. She said, "We are all one-of-a-kind, special editions." And she was talking about the importance of taking care of ourselves in this one life and body that we have. And it got me thinking about how we actually build that into the fabric of our lives.
Because self-care isn't just trendy or nice to have, we are literally the most valuable assets in our families, our lives, and yes, our businesses or soon-to-be businesses if we are just getting started. And yet, we rarely treat ourselves that way.
So, this week, I want to remind you that you are the most valuable asset in both your family and your business. Whether you've started the business or not, whether you have a traditional family or not, if there's one thing I know about women, it's that we are always the asset, the most valuable asset.
And since the world at large hasn't quite caught up to treating us that way, we're going to start our own little revolution this week. Because this week, we are deciding to see ourselves as assets, okay? And to treat ourselves that way.
And before you roll your eyes and think that this is another thing that I'm putting on your to-do list, I want you to know that this isn't about doing more or less, for that matter. It's not about adding pressure or giving yourself more mental clutter.
In this episode, I'm going to give you a new tool, a new way of thinking about taking care of yourself, so that it actually becomes part of your day and your week. It starts to be embedded in the fabric of your life and starts to feel easy. By the end of this episode, you'll be able to spot really small and natural ways to recharge because this mindset shift really does create time and permission for moments of self-care. Just like it did for one of my clients recently, and the coaching tools and the coaching that we talked through were just too good not to share with a broader audience.
So, self-care is that thing we all know we should be doing, but somehow it's always the first thing to fall off the list. And even when we make time for it, it can feel a little bit off, okay? It can feel forced, like another task that needs to be checked off.
And when we sit down to do the self-care, we're thinking about a million other things we should be doing and wonder if we're even doing self-care right. Okay, if that sounds familiar, if this is you, nothing is wrong with you. You're in good company. I promise you may just need permission to do self-care differently and to think about it differently.
And that's what we're diving into today: how to be more intentional about caring for yourself in your own way, okay? Which means no guilt, no comparison, no second-guessing, all of those things that we like to do. And by the end of this conversation, you'll know exactly what helps to fill up your cup and how to actually make space for it.
And this isn't the first time I've talked about self-care. I did an episode about a year ago, episode 26, "A Holiday Self-Care: How to Show Up for Yourself This Season." So if you want more on this topic, if you want more insights, more tools, you can check out episode 26 as well.
But for today's conversation, it's a little bit different. The tool is different. I didn't talk about it last time at all. And for today's conversation, I do also want to talk about the elephant in the room, which is that I know you don't feel like you have time for self-care. Every mom I coach says the same thing. And yet, when you do it in a way that lights you up, it actually gives you back time and energy.
There's research that backs this up. Breaks and self-care are just as important as work periods and nonstop parenting. Okay, they're just as important for us and for our littles. Breaks and moments of reprieve, whatever that looks like, which I'll talk about in a second. These breaks and moments of reprieve, they combat mental fatigue, they boost our focus, it reduces procrastination, and even sparks creativity for us, okay? And that's not just important for your business. Those skills and those tools and those benefits are not just important for your business. It's also really essential for parenting.
Every mom I've ever worked with wants to be more present with her kids. Everyone says that. And you know what's required for presence? Focus. The ability to be where your feet are. One of my favorite books is called "Wherever You Go, There You Are," and it's essentially about mindfulness and being present. But your brain can't focus if it's exhausted. It can't be present if it's exhausted and depleted. It needs breaks. Those little micro moments of recharge will help you show up differently at the playground, at dinner, or in those business decisions.
And I mentioned that it helps improve creativity. And I want to digress for just a moment about creativity because a lot of moms that I work with want to start a business because they want to tap into their creativity. They don't feel like they're using the creative parts of their brain in their traditional nine-to-five role. And they want to tap back into that. And you might think that creativity only applies to business and starting a business when we're thinking of it that way. But creativity is so essential in parenting, too.
Just the other day, my oldest son, Adley, who's three, was refusing to leave the playground and also covering himself in dirt for fun. It was so frustrating. So frustrating. And I know we've all been there where our kids just turn into a noodle when we try and kind of pick them up and get them to go where we want them to go.
But anyway, so I was frustrated, but because we'd just gone on a family walk earlier that day, a moment of rest and recharge for me, even though I was still on mom duty, I was feeling a bit more patient and mentally recharged. So instead of forcing him or raising my voice, which are often my mode of communication when I'm exhausted and depleted and torn down, I decided to turn into a dinosaur and chase him home.
It was a moment of stretching my creative muscle and thinking about, what can I do to make this fun and to also get the results that I want? And so I turned into a dinosaur. I chased him home. He immediately joined in. He was laughing and running. We got home in like three minutes from the playground.
And that moment of playfulness only happened because I wasn't totally depleted. And I wasn't totally depleted because I took care of myself that day. It wasn't just the walk, even though that was a big piece of it, but I also properly planned out my day, and it went mostly to plan, okay? Which I know it doesn't always do.
I also had calls with clients that filled up my cup. I listened to a really energizing podcast on my way to pick up Adley from preschool. And then, of course, we went on that family walk to see a little excavator that was parked in the neighborhood, like a real one, but it was smaller than most. Dinner was also already planned that day because every Monday, we eat the exact same meal to make things easier.
And so I was not feeling completely depleted at 5:00 PM on the playground with Adley on a Monday. And that's what self-care looks like in real life for most of us moms. It's not grand gestures. It's not complete spa days or weekends away, although those are great, and I'll talk about them in a second, for when I share the tool. But these real-life micro moments or small decisions throughout the day and within the fabric of your life, this is what allows you to respond differently.
So then how do we find time for ourselves when it already feels impossible? And this is one of the first things that I tackle with clients because if we can't create space for micro moments of care, we'll never have the capacity to create a business or make any meaningful change that we want in our life. So we start by learning to truly see time differently, okay? To see it as abundant. Every mom's situation is unique, but this pattern is universal. There's always going to be hidden time when we start looking through a lens of abundance instead of scarcity.
I've said it before on this podcast, but when we say we have no time, we will always find evidence to support that, which shuts down any possibility of finding time to create change, the change that we really want to see, or the goals that we really want to achieve. When we say we do have time, or even if we say, "It's possible that I might be able to create some time," just that little bit opens the door to find evidence for more time.
I also want to offer that part of creating time for yourself is deciding that you are important and that your needs are important, even when it feels like they're not. When you take care of yourself, you're a calmer, more present version of you. I know when I'm running on empty, I'm distracted, I'm snappy, and kind of lame. Not fun to be around. Okay? My kids can feel it. But when I fill up my own cup, even in small ways, even if that means missing out on something or saying no to something, everything feels lighter.
A few weeks ago, this idea was so real for me, and it hit me personally. It was one of those really chaotic and hectic Saturdays that we all know, where there's a ton of errands, there was a birthday party, there was a playground meetup, and there were many meltdowns all before noon.
My youngest, who's a year old, Jude, he woke up at 5:00 AM that day, which is rare and not great for my family dynamic. And he also took a short car nap on the way to the birthday party, which meant his real nap at 1:00 was going to be a toss-up. So I told myself, okay, if Jude actually naps today, I'm going to walk down to that little pho restaurant that I pass every day after I pick up Adley from preschool.
My husband isn't a pho person, so it's something I usually only get when I visit my dad. Also, pho is a Vietnamese soup, and I'm likely not pronouncing it accurately. We spent some time in Vietnam, and I never could exactly get it right. So I apologize for not pronouncing it correctly. And if you don't know what the soup is, I highly recommend it. But my husband is not a fan, and so we don't order it very often. I hadn't had it in months. And so it was a spot in my neighborhood that I really wanted to try out.
And miraculously, Jude did nap that day. So while the house was quiet, I took a walk, a half-mile walk in the sunshine, and I sat down for a solo lunch, which, if you haven't done that in your adulthood or in your mom era, I highly recommend it. No diaper bag, no baby monitor, just me and the sound of my own soup slurping. It was so simple and peaceful and completely unremarkable. And at the same time, totally sacred.
And on the walk home, I thought, that was exactly what I needed. Not a full day off or a fancy spa retreat, just a small one-hour pocket of time where I could just be with myself. And that's the thing about self-care. Again, it's rarely the big gestures. It's the intentional small moments that remind you who you are.
A few days later, I coached a client on this exact topic. And all of these things are cumulating into the inspiration for this episode. But I also want to share her experience because she said, "I know I need to take better care of myself. I even block off time for it, but when it comes, I never actually do it." And we've all been there. We plan it, we schedule it, and then somehow that time disappears.
And when I asked what self-care meant to her, like what did that mean? She said, "Good question," and then she listed things like reading, journaling, and taking a bath, and all these wonderful things. But I could tell that those things didn't light her up, okay? They felt like things she was supposed to do.
So I talked to her about self-love languages. And I could tell it was an aha moment with lots of relief around this topic of self-care. And this is the tool that I'm really excited to share with you in this episode because I think this will open up so many additional opportunities for self-care. And I know I've given a couple examples already in this episode that are woven into some of the stories, but this is something that you can easily apply to your life and reflect on so that you can get better at finding moments of recharge.
You've probably heard of the five love languages. So, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch. If you don't know the five love languages, please go to the show notes, jenna.coach/77. We will link some resources to it. It's a really powerful tool in communication and understanding how you give love and receive love in relationships.
So, usually we think about love languages in relationships. That's how the concept was first talked about. That's how it is popularly known. That's what the book is all about. This is all from a book, and I can't think of the author right now, but I'll put it in the notes.
So it's normally with relationships, but we can apply that same framework to ourselves and loving ourselves and how we feel love. And when we do, it changes everything. Just like it's important in any relationship to know the other person's love language, how they receive love, it's important to know our own for ourselves, so that when we are aiming to take care of ourselves, we do it in a way that's energizing and not forced.
I'm going to go through each of the love languages, and I'm going to talk about it and how it shows up for self-care. And my hope is that as you hear me talking about each of these love languages, you start to think about some of these concepts, some of these examples, and how it speaks to you, whether it strikes a chord of, "Oh my gosh, yes, that's my love language for myself and how I want to practice self-care," or like, "No, that sounds terrible. I don't want to sit down for a massage with a stranger," or, "I don't want to clean the kitchen."
So be listening to that. Go to the show notes to get a transcript of the episode if you want to capture all of these examples. I'll also talk about, after going through them, I want to give you some tools for figuring out your own self-love language.
So the first love language is acts of service. Okay, so this is feeling calm when things are done. So when we use acts of service as a self-love language and as a moment of self-care, it's not about control. It's not about getting more done. It's about a sense of relief. And so this might mean something like clearing the kitchen counter. It might mean planning meals. It might mean taking out that donation bag, right? Those are all acts of compassion toward yourself.
Now, people might argue with me about this, but this is a permission slip. If you have a day off and it doesn't feel energizing to lounge around or do a spa day, there's nothing wrong with you. If there's a part of you that desperately wants to reorganize closets and the pantry or clean the toilets, if that feels good to you, consider that self-care, okay? Your love language is acts of service, and so crossing things off the to-do list can give you that sense of recharge.
And yes, there's also research to combat that and to say you actually need to take a break. But I want to give you permission to allow those things to be a recharge if that is what you are feeling pulled to do, not from a place of pressure or a place of too much on your to-do list, but truly from this place of it feeling like a relief to cross things off.
Really know for yourself if acts of service is your love language because there's a difference between acts of service being your love language and you just wanting to get more done, which is not necessarily recharging.
The second love language is receiving gifts. So this is feeling like recharged or having moments of recharge when you give yourself something. So, like a gift or something small for yourself. It's not about the price. It's about the meaning and the act and how you feel.
So also like shop therapy falls into this category, although definitely be careful about some of those habits, right? You definitely want to be in control. You want it to be a treat, and you don't want it to be something that you go overboard with.
So it's more about the meaning behind it: a nice coffee, a candle, a cozy sweater, something that feels like a treat where you're reminding yourself, "I get to receive too, okay? I'm important." When you then see that item, like you light that candle, it's a continuous gift that keeps on giving, right? You're reminded of that achievement, or you're reminded of that accomplishment, or reminded that you just, you are the asset.
I have a client whose self-care language is fancy coffee drinks, and I love it. Any moment that she needs a pick-me-up or if she is celebrating something in her business, she's celebrating with a fancy coffee. And it's amazing.
So her self-care language and those micro moments of sipping that latte is an important part of filling up her cup. And it's honestly easily built into the fabric of her life. After she drops off the kids at school, she swings by and picks up that fancy coffee, and then she has this moment of just delight for the next however many minutes before she returns home, and then has a whole list of other responsibilities.
Which leads me to love language number three, which is quality time. So just like I talked about that client sipping that coffee, quiet, or in this moment all by herself, after she drops all the kids off, all four kids off, that's a moment of quality time. And so if your love language is quality time, stillness restores you.
So examples of this might be journaling or going for a walk by yourself without your phone, eating lunch alone, kind of like I did when I went to get pho, or just sitting with your coffee in the morning and breathing, right? Like having a moment where you really allow yourself to just be with yourself. You're saying, "I am worthy of my own attention."
This self-care language is all about moments of reprieve, and trust me, it doesn't have to be long stretches of time. Yes, my date with myself was about an hour excursion, which felt like a total luxury. But you can try just spending an extra five minutes in the shower doing nothing. My husband does that basically every shower, and it drives me crazy, but mostly because I'm jealous that I don't think to do it.
So this is your permission slip to spend some extra time in those private spaces where kids aren't grabbing at your ankles. Sit in the car for an extra minute or two before pickup or after drop off, listening to an audiobook or listening to your favorite podcast. Before you return to the chaos of the day, spend a moment of quality time with yourself if that's your self-love language.
The fourth love language is words of affirmation. So words can be such a powerful tool with self-care. It truly rewires our brain, the words we use, how we think, how we talk to ourselves. So if words of affirmation is your love language, this would be like journaling about your wins, writing positive thoughts on sticky notes, listening to something uplifting.
If that sort of thing really recharges you, there are simple ways to build that into your day for moments of self-care, things that don't take up any additional amount of time, like putting a sticky note reminder on your computer about being the most important asset of your family.
Remind yourself all the reasons that you are awesome and look at that post-it note countless times throughout the day. Consider creating a folder of like nice emails that people send you, or take screenshots of nice texts you receive from family or friends or clients, and keep it in a place that you can refer to it regularly. Read one or two a day or a week, or turn to it when you're feeling depleted for an end-of-day pick-me-up. So with words of affirmation, it's really retraining your inner voice to speak kindly, and that's really powerful self-care.
The last love language is physical touch. So this is ways that you reconnect with your body. So things like stretching, working out, going for walks, skincare, warm showers, even maybe some like meditation where you're placing your hand on your heart and taking a breath. It's your way of saying, "You're safe. I've got you."
So many of my clients start their day with some movement, so going for a walk. Movement is medicine, and it really helps to ground us before our day starts. So before we even start our day, if we can prioritize moving our body a little bit, it's such an important start to the day.
If connecting with your body is a self-love language that speaks to you, you got to schedule time for it. Again, this doesn't have to be long either. It doesn't have to be a sixty-minute workout. You could stretch for five minutes before bed every night, or maybe five minutes of stretching in the shower each morning, and that could really feel energizing. As long as it's intentional and you are doing it with the sense of taking care of yourself, it's so powerful.
You could also start your day with five minutes of yoga, a quick set of push-ups, or something physical. Maybe five or ten push-ups, which may or may not be your cup of tea, but I promise it would only take a couple minutes. There are so many ways to commit to yourself, moments of self-care based on your self-love language. And when you start taking care of yourself in the way that you naturally feel loved, it stops feeling like a task, and it really starts to refuel you.
And the best part of all of this is that each of these can happen in micro moments. Self-care doesn't require hours or days or weekends. It just has to be a little bit intentional, and you have to be honest with yourself about what feels good to you.
So if you're not sure which one fits, I want you to think about the last time you felt genuinely recharged or genuinely uplifted. I want you to think about what you were doing. Were you moving or still? Were you alone or with people? What about the experience made you exhale? When's the last time that you really felt some relief and like you could put your feet up and just relax your shoulders and exhale? Think about what you were doing, and it doesn't have to be big or long-lasting. But I want you to know for yourself what types of things feel like recharge in your day.
And again, like I said, it doesn't have to be something that lasted weeks or months or days. When I got pho, I felt recharged for like an hour before the chaos returned. But that little window was enough to reset me. And honestly, even today, when I think back to that lunch by myself, even just the memory of it, and how it felt to take care of myself and choose something intentional that I really wanted, it helps me to feel energized in this moment. Just the memory of it helps me to feel energized right now.
And that's the power of creating these moments of self-care. They remind you that you can find peace in the middle of all the chaos.
So to bring this all together, I want to remind you that you are the most important asset in your life and family, and taking care of that asset is so important for everyone involved.
I want you to think about what your self-care love language is this week. And I want you to think about what it would look like to honor it this week. It's honestly maybe something that's already in your week that you're already doing, but you just don't treat it like self-care. You don't think of it like self-care.
Maybe it's a quiet walk, maybe it's clearing the kitchen counter, maybe it's saying something kind to yourself before bed. Implement something or notice something in your daily schedule or week that could be a self-love language that refuels you. And whatever it is, let it count, okay? Feel good about the moments that allow you to express your self-love language.
And listen, if you're struggling with this concept, if you've been out of the self-care game for so long that you don't even know which way is up, I get it. And if you are absolutely sure that you have no time for self-care, I really want to change that for you. I really want you to be the type of person who has time to take care of themselves. I've seen these shifts for so many other moms, and I know that these results are possible for anyone willing to open up the conversation, okay?
So if you're open to having a conversation, please schedule a free consultation with me. You can go to my website and find my scheduling link at jenna.coach.
Or you can go to the show notes of this episode, jenna.coach/77, and you can find that scheduling link. And in that one hour together, we'll create a plan for you to have more time and how you can create time and how you can create energy. I want you to have a business and life that gives you time, that gives you energy, and that gives you space for what truly matters. And the only way that we can do that is if we open up the conversation of possibility.
That's all for this week. If you're still with me, I do have one ask. Please go ahead and follow the podcast. I was never one to follow podcasts, but now that I'm on the other side creating the content, I realize how powerful it is to have people opting in to support the show and be reminded of new episodes each week.
If you follow the podcast, you'll never miss a beat. And I know I'm biased, but this podcast is such an amazing resource for staying committed to your business goals.
Every week, I release a new idea or tool that you can go back and apply to your life and business journey. And every week, I'm cheering you on and reminding you why you can do this and why this work matters. Every week, you have a gentle reminder to keep you moving forward. Sometimes by taking action, and sometimes just by taking care of yourself. And we all need that in our life. So click that follow button and let's make this happen.
Okay, my friend. Thanks for listening, and I will see you next week. Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of How to Quit Your Job: A Mom’s Guide to Creating a Life and Business You Love. If you want to learn more about how I can help you stop making excuses and start making moves, head on over to www.jenna.coach. I’ll see you next week.
Enjoy the Show?
Don’t miss an episode, follow the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or RSS.
Next
Next