5. Create Space in Your Schedule With These 4 Simple Steps
Are you constantly overwhelmed by never-ending to-do lists and obligations? Does it feel like there just isn't enough time in the day to get everything done, let alone pursue something new and scary like entrepreneurship? If this sounds familiar, this episode has the solutions you need. It's time to take back control of your schedule and create some space in your week to build the life you truly want. It all starts with my simple, 4-step approach.
You're a busy mom being pulled in a million different directions and it's normal to feel like the little time you do have isn't your own. Why do us moms always have to be 10 steps ahead of everyone else? Well, this episode is going to help you find the time to get started on your business (or any personal project for that matter) by regaining control of your schedule.
You might be waiting for things to calm down before you start your business, but things are never going to calm down unless you decide to do things differently. Tune in this week as I share 4 simple strategies that you can bring into your world, so you can create more time every day to start making the changes you want to see in your life.
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What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
Why starting a business feels impossible with just 24 hours in each day.
How you might be stuck on what I call the one day train.
Why regaining control of your schedule gives you the freedom and flexibility that you're missing.
How just 2 extra hours per week to work on your business will change your life.
4 simple, actionable steps to create 2 to 4 hours every week for you to work on your business.
Listen to the Full Episode:
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Full Episode Transcript:
Are you constantly feeling overwhelmed by never ending to-do lists and obligations? Does it seem like there’s just not enough time in the day to get everything done, let alone pursue anything new and scary like entrepreneurship? If so, this episode has a few solutions you’ve been desperately needing. Get ready to take back control of your schedule and start making space to build the life you truly want.
Welcome to How to Quit Your Job: A Mom’s Guide to Creating a Life and Business You Love. It’s a podcast that helps working moms just like you, optimize your time, manage your mind, and start a business that helps you create more freedom, flexibility, and, yes, fun. I’m business and mindset coach Jenna Rykiel. And I offer practical tips to help you ditch the nine-to-five. I have been exactly where you are, and I know what it takes to make the transition without trading one form of burnout for another. So, let’s get started.
Hi, mom friends, this is episode five and I’m recording from yet another ZIP Code. So, in five episodes I’ve recorded in four different locations, but our home renovations will be done by the time we’re back from vacation and I’m so, so excited about having functional bathrooms. My family has just been a little unsettled for the last month or so, which has been interesting to navigate while launching a podcast. But anyway, that’s enough about my life.
Let’s jump into the good stuff because I know how it feels to be a busy mom pulled in a million different directions every single day. The demands of work, kids, household management, it’s absolutely relentless. Not to mention the mental load that lingers non-stop and consumes energy as we all try to stay a few steps ahead while navigating the constant unexpected twists and turns that pop up. Why do us moms have to be 10 steps ahead always?
It’s so easy to get into bed each night utterly exhausted, yet still feeling frustrated that we didn’t accomplish half of what we wanted to do. If starting a business or any personal project feels like a fantasy given your packed schedule, you are absolutely not alone. So many moms are on what I like to call the one day train. I’ll get to that one day when things calm down. But listen, things are never going to calm down unless you decide to do things differently.
And that’s what this episode is all about, a few simple strategies that you can bring into your world so you can create more time in your week. And I’m not talking about a couple of minutes here and there. I’m talking a few hours or more. By making a few mindset shifts and realistic schedule adjustments you can open up space to finally work on those goals that you’ve been putting off. This episode will equip you with an easy to implement system to gain some control of your calendar.
You’ll walk away feeling empowered to make time for what truly matters to you, which is creating the business that will give you more freedom, flexibility, and fun in your life. And I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, Jenna, building a business requires a ton of time. But let me tell you, I ask my clients to start with just two hours a week. That’s it. No, we’re not going to create an empire in just two hours a week but two hours a week is over 100 hours in a year, and you can do a lot in 100 hours.
That’s why we’re going to talk about strategies to create just two to four hours weekly where you can tune out everything else and channel your energy towards meaningful action. This isn’t the first or last time I’ll talk about meaningful action because it’s a major pillar of my coaching program. Meaningful action is the small, consistent actions that build over time. Action steps like grabbing coffee with a friend and telling them about your business idea, going to a conference within the industry that you’re wanting to break off into.
Once you see steady progress each week, it will motivate you to keep going and continually open up more time, but you’ve got to start small and capitalize on the pockets you do have. A lot can be accomplished in short, purposeful stretches if you stick to it consistently. So, let’s talk about creating those couple of hours a week in a schedule that doesn’t even allow you to go to the bathroom or shower during the day.
The easy to remember system I coined to create time is called DADA. That heart wrenching moment when your baby utters their first word, and of course, it’s dada despite you being the one who carried them for nine months and has done the heavy lifting of daily care up until that point. And for those who don’t have dada in their family unit, I’m sure you can relate, momma is usually not the go-to. I’ve made an effort to reclaim the phrase, DADA, and turn it into a system for helping myself and other moms remind ourselves how we can create time each week.
While your little ones may have broken your heart initially by giving all the early verbal credit to their fathers. We’re taking back DADA as a mantra for ambitious moms everywhere. And it’s a simple four step approach that will allow you to finally open up some chunks of time in your schedule that you can dedicate to you. And listen, I want you to spend those two hours implementing some of the stuff we talk about in this podcast. But it’s your time, so if you want to spend your newfound time going for a walk or reading a book, taking a bath, by all means you do you.
So, let’s start with D. The first D stands for delete. The first step is deliberately creating more spaciousness in your schedule by deleting anything that isn’t an absolute necessity or directly moving you towards your core goals. I’m not just talking about deleting obvious time wasters like mindless social media scrolling, though that’s certainly part of it. What I’m really advocating is taking a rigorous inventory of your current commitments, to your obligations, those daily activities, and then making thoughtful decisions about what to double down on versus what can be eliminated or scaled back.
This process requires getting brutally honest with yourself and where you’re spending time versus where you want to be investing your limited energy. For most of us, there are likely layers of tasks and chores and habits that have accumulated over the years that we continue doing primarily out of obligation, guilt, or because we’ve always done them a certain way. Then when you step back and examine them objectively, very few are actively enriching your life or inching you closer to your bigger picture goals.
In fact, most are likely stagnant routines or commitments on autopilot that are keeping you locked into overwhelm. It’s things like bake sales, potlucks or other school tasks you feel obligated to volunteer for, but really you despise. It’s things like serving on boards or committees that no longer interest or inspire you. Maybe it’s household management tasks or chores that could be easily delegated or hired out, which we’ll talk about delegation and hiring out in just a few minutes. Maybe it’s things like over-editing or perfectionism or nitpicking parts of your work projects so that they’re endless and never done.
Maybe it’s things like compulsive phone or social media checking or overcommitting to groups for your kids or activities for your kids that they’ve outgrown interest in. The list goes on and on. The common thread is these are not essential happiness giving or deeply meaningful tasks. At best, you feel meh about them. At worst they drain you and cause anxiety, resentment and overwhelm. Deleting these inessential and negative obligation tasks creates time and mental freedom for what does light you up.
But of course, our minds often create mental drama around the very notion of deletion. We wonder what so and so will think if we stop volunteering, or if it means we’re a bad mom or employee or friend if we resign from a committee. Our deep rooted fears of being perceived as selfish, rude or incompetent can make it very difficult to let go. I and almost every single mom I work with has a little people pleaser in them that we need to learn to break through if we’re going to create a life and business we love.
This is where mindset work comes in. We have to reframe situations where we’re doing things solely out of obligation or to meet some societal expectation that is forever a moving target, about how we should spend our time. If an activity, commitment or habit is detracting from your ability to thrive and show up fully for yourself, then it’s perfectly okay to give it a respectful deletion. In fact, it’s admirable and shows a huge level of self-awareness that you can identify obligations or burdens that no longer serve you and remove them.
With practice, you can become highly discerning about where you’re dedicating your time and mental energy. And you’ll gain confidence in your ability to assess priorities versus distractions without guilt, which is key. So, I want you to really think and grab a pen and paper. As you know, I like turning audio into action. So what activities, commitments, or habits are you currently engaging in that maybe you generally dislike or dread, don’t align with your core values and priorities or maybe activities or habits that leave you feeling resentful, frustrated, or depleted? Write them all down.
I’m giving you permission to politely decline participation in anything that doesn’t light you up or actively move you towards your goals. No more saying yes out of a lifelong people pleasing habit or misguided notions that you should be able to do it all. I’m giving you permission to politely decline participation in anything that doesn’t light you up or actively move you towards your goals. No more saying yes out of lifelong people pleasing habits or misguided notions that you should be able to do it all.
Obligations that no longer serve you can be deleted without guilt. It may cause a few ruffled feathers initially, but your time and energy are too precious to waste on things you resent. Over the next week, get brutally honest with yourself. Make a list of every activity, commitment and even mindless habits that are currently occupying pockets of your time that you dislike or feel meh about. Next to each one, note how many hours it’s consuming per week. Then start crossing off, yes, deleting any that are not an absolute necessity or priority. Deletion is the easiest way to gain back a few hours in your week.
Okay, now let’s talk about the next letter, the first A. It stands for ask for help. This is the step that I personally struggle with the most, and I know many of my clients do as well. It’s so easy to intellectually understand the value of asking for help, but actually doing it can feel incredibly vulnerable and counterintuitive for a lot of us, especially for us, with people pleasing tendencies. I know the excuses that play out in my mind are endless. Everything from it’s just faster if I do it myself to no one can do it as well as I can. Also, I don’t want to be a burden or they’re probably too busy to help anyway.
And I know this is pretty universal because I’ve had a lot of talks with my mom friends about this topic. But when I dig beneath those rationalizations, I often find a nagging voice that simply doesn’t want to relinquish control. The irony is, trying to do everything ourselves is the surest path to burnout, exhaustion and resentment. Our misguided attempts to maintain a look of self-reliance and control ends up depriving the people around us of meaningful ways to contribute and support us.
Asking for help is actually a profound act of confidence and self-love. It acknowledges our limitations, yes, but also our worthiness of support. When we let go of the need to be in control of every last detail, we open ourselves up to the tremendous benefit that bringing someone we love and trust into the mix provides. Not only does it lighten our workload and free up time, but it makes others feel important, trusted and valued. Accepting assistance from family, friends or even hired help, models flexibility, collaboration and a growth mindset for our kids, it reinforces the idea that we’re all in this together, not lone islands.
Of course, we want our kids to reach out to us and ask for help when they need it, so why don’t we model this for them. The next time your inner perfectionist starts concocting reasons why you should just do it all yourself, I want you to pause. Gently acknowledge that underlying fear of losing control or not measuring up, or whatever else is going on between your ears and consciously replace it with the knowledge that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It means you value your own wellbeing and want to be as effective as possible.
It also means that you value and trust others in your life and that they’re up to the task. And yes, the reality is that kids may not get all the proper nutrients at grandma and grandpa’s, or they may not follow the sleep schedule, which don’t even get me started on anybody trying to get my kid off of his sleep schedule. But that’s why I told you at the beginning that this is my biggest area of opportunity. We have to let go of things needing to be done exactly how we do them.
Our kiddos will benefit from the resilience that comes with new approaches and people. Start small and if it feels uncomfortable, maybe just ask your partner to take one thing off your plate this week or recruit a friend to do a weekly grocery run with you. The more you work this muscle, the easier it will become. The more you practice requesting support, the more comfortable it becomes. You’ll realize people genuinely want to pitch in and help out.
Your homework for this week is to find just one thing to ask for help with. Challenge yourself to ask for help on at least one task, big or small. It could be asking a friend or family to pick up the kids, have your partner pack the diaper bag or recruit a neighbor to host a playdate. Get comfortable vocalizing, can you help me with, blank. Notice how it lightens your load and creates space for what matters most. Let me know how you flex this muscle. I love, love, love hearing new ideas with where and how to ask for help. Like I said, this is where I need to do the most homework.
Okay, so we’ve got delete and we’ve got ask for help as the first two steps in this process. Let’s move on to the second D, it stands for delegate. Sometimes asking for one-off help isn’t enough, you need an official reassignment of responsibilities. This is where the art of delegation comes in. Look at your current workload objectively. What tasks or duties are you spending excessive time on that you dislike, aren’t skilled at or could easily hand off to someone else? Sometimes it’s unrealistic to delete something.
We don’t like cleaning the house, but Child Protective Services may be called if we delete some of those chores from our task list. We can ask people for one off help with certain tasks, but since it’s a cyclical chore, it means that we’re constantly spending time and energy figuring out who we can ask for help. Sometimes it’s a job for delegation, assigning a task to somebody more officially.
With the household cleaning example, maybe it’s assigning certain chores to a partner or kid if they’re old enough. Maybe certain people in the family are in charge of certain rooms. Delegation can also be hiring help. We started working with a fantastic cleaning team shortly before Adley was born, knowing that cleaning was neither my husband or my strong suit and ultimately it just wouldn’t get done on a regular basis if it were up to us. And we knew that wasn’t a great environment for a kid who would be constantly putting things from the floor into his mouth.
It’s literally the best money we spend each month to have a team come every three weeks. Every three weeks is what made sense for our budget, and I can’t express how delighted we are every time they come. We literally go into each room and talk all night about all the ways that things are now clean. It still amazes us. This is called delegation. The cleaning team we work with gets the job done 100 times faster and frankly, way better than Chris or I could ever do because they actually know what they’re doing.
Delegating tasks allows us to focus on our own unique strengths and priorities. Chris loves gardening and taking care of the lawn so he likely won’t delegate that to anyone, and that’s fine by me. Delegating is a sign of excellent executive skills. Entrepreneurs who try to do everything themselves inevitably plateau or burnout. The most successful leaders amplify their impact by building strong teams and strategic outsourcing. Your business does not have to be mature in order for you to start building your team.
You are the CEO of your life and family. Make decisions to delegate certain responsibilities to friends, family and/or hire out services. Similar to figuring out what to delete, we want to figure out routine tasks either at home and definitely at work, that we can delegate. I gave you a ton of great nuggets in episode four about delegating, so definitely go back and check that out if you haven’t had a chance to listen. There’s especially a lot of value for moms in current leadership roles to start liberally delegating things to your team.
I talked about delegating as a tool to make work suck less, but it’s also a tool to make life suck less too. These are all ways for you to minimize the things you hate doing to make room for the things that light you up.
Okay, we made it to the last step. The final A is accepting help. This one is huge as so many of us have been culturally conditioned to reflexively decline help even when it’s desperately needed. Someone kindly offers to assist and what do we say? “No, I’m fine. I’ve got it covered.” I know I do this all the time and it bites me in the butt. It causes me so much stress and resentment down the line that I didn’t just say yes. Constantly saying no to help that we are being offered also creates a packed schedule that we use as an excuse to not start taking action on the things that will help to build a better life.
Now, I know we talked about asking for help and everything I said before about people helping applies to this as well. But the difference is that this is help that we aren’t initiating. It’s other people leaning in because they truly want to be a part of our life. Just like I said before with asking for help, our default is usually to resist, which often derives from wanting everything done in a certain ‘right way’ and really our way. But just like asking for help, accepting assistance is a learned skill that gets easier with practice. And the benefits are tremendous for both you and the person offering to pitch in, like I talked about before.
It also presents an opportunity for the other person to learn more about how you like things done. Maybe your partner doesn’t pack the diaper bag exactly as you would, or your mom has a different approach to getting the kids ready in the morning. Rather than seeing this as a problem, view it as a chance for them to adapt to your preferences over time. The more you allow others to assist, the more they’ll get used to your systems and ways of doing things. They get to ask questions, you get to give feedback, things will improve the more practice they get.
Plus, by releasing control and graciously accepting help, you free up precious mental and physical energy that you can then channel into activities for yourself and your business. Remember, this is all about creating time for you. Imagine what you could accomplish in just a couple of uninterrupted hours if you didn’t have to worry about laundry, meals or driving the kids around. I know it can feel so much easier to just say, “No, I’ve got it”, and maintain that aura of self-sufficiency. But I’m urging you to lean into this discomfort and say, “Yes, thank you”, the next time someone offers support.
It might mean your kids eat mac and cheese for dinner one night instead of your carefully crafted meals, but I promise you your family will survive and you’ll all be stronger for it. Accepting help is a vulnerable act, yes, but it’s also a profound statement of self-love. You’re worthy of support, and you don’t have to do it all alone. Little by little, get comfortable allowing others in and releasing the reins of control, the freedom and additional bandwidth it creates will be transformative, I promise. So, by implementing the DADA system of delete, ask for help, delegate and accept help, you can easily create at least a couple of hours in your schedule.
When we get good at these four scheduling hacks, we have more time in our schedule for our business and we have a lot less resentment and frustration which gives us a boost of energy. The keys are, number one, delete any activities, habits, or obligations that don’t align with your priorities. Number two, proactively ask for help regularly on tasks big and small. Number three, delegate out duties you dread or aren’t skilled at. Number four, accept offers of assistance graciously without perfectionist control.
This isn’t about doing less or being unproductive. It’s about being highly discerning about how you spend your finite time and energy. Follow this DADA system and you’ll gain a ton of efficiency and more control of your calendar.
If this episode resonated with you and you’re feeling inspired to overhaul your schedule, keep tuning in. On future episodes I’ll be diving deeper into productivity tips, overcoming perfectionism, how to actually spend the time you’ve created, and so much more. We’ll continue layering on strategies to help ambitious moms like you, progressively create the time and mental space needed to create that exit plan and build that business.
Next episode we’ll be talking about what type of business you should create. Learning about all the options that are out there and how to pick something that will light you up one step at a time, one small schedule adjustment after another, you’ll get there. A life where you’re not just going through the motions, but truly thriving and energized, working on meaningful projects that light you up. Keep listening and take consistent action. I’ll be right here cheering you on and guiding you to that incredible life you deserve. Thanks for listening and I will see you next Wednesday.
Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of How to Quit Your Job: A Mom’s Guide to Creating a Life and Business You Love. If you want to learn more about how I can help you stop making excuses and start making moves, head on over to www.jenna.coach. I’ll see you next week.
Welcome to How to Quit Your Job: A Mom’s Guide to Creating a Life and Business You Love. It’s a podcast that helps working moms just like you, optimize your time, manage your mind, and start a business that helps you create more freedom, flexibility, and, yes, fun. I’m business and mindset coach Jenna Rykiel. And I offer practical tips to help you ditch the nine-to-five. I have been exactly where you are, and I know what it takes to make the transition without trading one form of burnout for another. So, let’s get started.
Hi, mom friends, this is episode five and I’m recording from yet another ZIP Code. So, in five episodes I’ve recorded in four different locations, but our home renovations will be done by the time we’re back from vacation and I’m so, so excited about having functional bathrooms. My family has just been a little unsettled for the last month or so, which has been interesting to navigate while launching a podcast. But anyway, that’s enough about my life.
Let’s jump into the good stuff because I know how it feels to be a busy mom pulled in a million different directions every single day. The demands of work, kids, household management, it’s absolutely relentless. Not to mention the mental load that lingers non-stop and consumes energy as we all try to stay a few steps ahead while navigating the constant unexpected twists and turns that pop up. Why do us moms have to be 10 steps ahead always?
It’s so easy to get into bed each night utterly exhausted, yet still feeling frustrated that we didn’t accomplish half of what we wanted to do. If starting a business or any personal project feels like a fantasy given your packed schedule, you are absolutely not alone. So many moms are on what I like to call the one day train. I’ll get to that one day when things calm down. But listen, things are never going to calm down unless you decide to do things differently.
And that’s what this episode is all about, a few simple strategies that you can bring into your world so you can create more time in your week. And I’m not talking about a couple of minutes here and there. I’m talking a few hours or more. By making a few mindset shifts and realistic schedule adjustments you can open up space to finally work on those goals that you’ve been putting off. This episode will equip you with an easy to implement system to gain some control of your calendar.
You’ll walk away feeling empowered to make time for what truly matters to you, which is creating the business that will give you more freedom, flexibility, and fun in your life. And I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, Jenna, building a business requires a ton of time. But let me tell you, I ask my clients to start with just two hours a week. That’s it. No, we’re not going to create an empire in just two hours a week but two hours a week is over 100 hours in a year, and you can do a lot in 100 hours.
That’s why we’re going to talk about strategies to create just two to four hours weekly where you can tune out everything else and channel your energy towards meaningful action. This isn’t the first or last time I’ll talk about meaningful action because it’s a major pillar of my coaching program. Meaningful action is the small, consistent actions that build over time. Action steps like grabbing coffee with a friend and telling them about your business idea, going to a conference within the industry that you’re wanting to break off into.
Once you see steady progress each week, it will motivate you to keep going and continually open up more time, but you’ve got to start small and capitalize on the pockets you do have. A lot can be accomplished in short, purposeful stretches if you stick to it consistently. So, let’s talk about creating those couple of hours a week in a schedule that doesn’t even allow you to go to the bathroom or shower during the day.
The easy to remember system I coined to create time is called DADA. That heart wrenching moment when your baby utters their first word, and of course, it’s dada despite you being the one who carried them for nine months and has done the heavy lifting of daily care up until that point. And for those who don’t have dada in their family unit, I’m sure you can relate, momma is usually not the go-to. I’ve made an effort to reclaim the phrase, DADA, and turn it into a system for helping myself and other moms remind ourselves how we can create time each week.
While your little ones may have broken your heart initially by giving all the early verbal credit to their fathers. We’re taking back DADA as a mantra for ambitious moms everywhere. And it’s a simple four step approach that will allow you to finally open up some chunks of time in your schedule that you can dedicate to you. And listen, I want you to spend those two hours implementing some of the stuff we talk about in this podcast. But it’s your time, so if you want to spend your newfound time going for a walk or reading a book, taking a bath, by all means you do you.
So, let’s start with D. The first D stands for delete. The first step is deliberately creating more spaciousness in your schedule by deleting anything that isn’t an absolute necessity or directly moving you towards your core goals. I’m not just talking about deleting obvious time wasters like mindless social media scrolling, though that’s certainly part of it. What I’m really advocating is taking a rigorous inventory of your current commitments, to your obligations, those daily activities, and then making thoughtful decisions about what to double down on versus what can be eliminated or scaled back.
This process requires getting brutally honest with yourself and where you’re spending time versus where you want to be investing your limited energy. For most of us, there are likely layers of tasks and chores and habits that have accumulated over the years that we continue doing primarily out of obligation, guilt, or because we’ve always done them a certain way. Then when you step back and examine them objectively, very few are actively enriching your life or inching you closer to your bigger picture goals.
In fact, most are likely stagnant routines or commitments on autopilot that are keeping you locked into overwhelm. It’s things like bake sales, potlucks or other school tasks you feel obligated to volunteer for, but really you despise. It’s things like serving on boards or committees that no longer interest or inspire you. Maybe it’s household management tasks or chores that could be easily delegated or hired out, which we’ll talk about delegation and hiring out in just a few minutes. Maybe it’s things like over-editing or perfectionism or nitpicking parts of your work projects so that they’re endless and never done.
Maybe it’s things like compulsive phone or social media checking or overcommitting to groups for your kids or activities for your kids that they’ve outgrown interest in. The list goes on and on. The common thread is these are not essential happiness giving or deeply meaningful tasks. At best, you feel meh about them. At worst they drain you and cause anxiety, resentment and overwhelm. Deleting these inessential and negative obligation tasks creates time and mental freedom for what does light you up.
But of course, our minds often create mental drama around the very notion of deletion. We wonder what so and so will think if we stop volunteering, or if it means we’re a bad mom or employee or friend if we resign from a committee. Our deep rooted fears of being perceived as selfish, rude or incompetent can make it very difficult to let go. I and almost every single mom I work with has a little people pleaser in them that we need to learn to break through if we’re going to create a life and business we love.
This is where mindset work comes in. We have to reframe situations where we’re doing things solely out of obligation or to meet some societal expectation that is forever a moving target, about how we should spend our time. If an activity, commitment or habit is detracting from your ability to thrive and show up fully for yourself, then it’s perfectly okay to give it a respectful deletion. In fact, it’s admirable and shows a huge level of self-awareness that you can identify obligations or burdens that no longer serve you and remove them.
With practice, you can become highly discerning about where you’re dedicating your time and mental energy. And you’ll gain confidence in your ability to assess priorities versus distractions without guilt, which is key. So, I want you to really think and grab a pen and paper. As you know, I like turning audio into action. So what activities, commitments, or habits are you currently engaging in that maybe you generally dislike or dread, don’t align with your core values and priorities or maybe activities or habits that leave you feeling resentful, frustrated, or depleted? Write them all down.
I’m giving you permission to politely decline participation in anything that doesn’t light you up or actively move you towards your goals. No more saying yes out of a lifelong people pleasing habit or misguided notions that you should be able to do it all. I’m giving you permission to politely decline participation in anything that doesn’t light you up or actively move you towards your goals. No more saying yes out of lifelong people pleasing habits or misguided notions that you should be able to do it all.
Obligations that no longer serve you can be deleted without guilt. It may cause a few ruffled feathers initially, but your time and energy are too precious to waste on things you resent. Over the next week, get brutally honest with yourself. Make a list of every activity, commitment and even mindless habits that are currently occupying pockets of your time that you dislike or feel meh about. Next to each one, note how many hours it’s consuming per week. Then start crossing off, yes, deleting any that are not an absolute necessity or priority. Deletion is the easiest way to gain back a few hours in your week.
Okay, now let’s talk about the next letter, the first A. It stands for ask for help. This is the step that I personally struggle with the most, and I know many of my clients do as well. It’s so easy to intellectually understand the value of asking for help, but actually doing it can feel incredibly vulnerable and counterintuitive for a lot of us, especially for us, with people pleasing tendencies. I know the excuses that play out in my mind are endless. Everything from it’s just faster if I do it myself to no one can do it as well as I can. Also, I don’t want to be a burden or they’re probably too busy to help anyway.
And I know this is pretty universal because I’ve had a lot of talks with my mom friends about this topic. But when I dig beneath those rationalizations, I often find a nagging voice that simply doesn’t want to relinquish control. The irony is, trying to do everything ourselves is the surest path to burnout, exhaustion and resentment. Our misguided attempts to maintain a look of self-reliance and control ends up depriving the people around us of meaningful ways to contribute and support us.
Asking for help is actually a profound act of confidence and self-love. It acknowledges our limitations, yes, but also our worthiness of support. When we let go of the need to be in control of every last detail, we open ourselves up to the tremendous benefit that bringing someone we love and trust into the mix provides. Not only does it lighten our workload and free up time, but it makes others feel important, trusted and valued. Accepting assistance from family, friends or even hired help, models flexibility, collaboration and a growth mindset for our kids, it reinforces the idea that we’re all in this together, not lone islands.
Of course, we want our kids to reach out to us and ask for help when they need it, so why don’t we model this for them. The next time your inner perfectionist starts concocting reasons why you should just do it all yourself, I want you to pause. Gently acknowledge that underlying fear of losing control or not measuring up, or whatever else is going on between your ears and consciously replace it with the knowledge that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It means you value your own wellbeing and want to be as effective as possible.
It also means that you value and trust others in your life and that they’re up to the task. And yes, the reality is that kids may not get all the proper nutrients at grandma and grandpa’s, or they may not follow the sleep schedule, which don’t even get me started on anybody trying to get my kid off of his sleep schedule. But that’s why I told you at the beginning that this is my biggest area of opportunity. We have to let go of things needing to be done exactly how we do them.
Our kiddos will benefit from the resilience that comes with new approaches and people. Start small and if it feels uncomfortable, maybe just ask your partner to take one thing off your plate this week or recruit a friend to do a weekly grocery run with you. The more you work this muscle, the easier it will become. The more you practice requesting support, the more comfortable it becomes. You’ll realize people genuinely want to pitch in and help out.
Your homework for this week is to find just one thing to ask for help with. Challenge yourself to ask for help on at least one task, big or small. It could be asking a friend or family to pick up the kids, have your partner pack the diaper bag or recruit a neighbor to host a playdate. Get comfortable vocalizing, can you help me with, blank. Notice how it lightens your load and creates space for what matters most. Let me know how you flex this muscle. I love, love, love hearing new ideas with where and how to ask for help. Like I said, this is where I need to do the most homework.
Okay, so we’ve got delete and we’ve got ask for help as the first two steps in this process. Let’s move on to the second D, it stands for delegate. Sometimes asking for one-off help isn’t enough, you need an official reassignment of responsibilities. This is where the art of delegation comes in. Look at your current workload objectively. What tasks or duties are you spending excessive time on that you dislike, aren’t skilled at or could easily hand off to someone else? Sometimes it’s unrealistic to delete something.
We don’t like cleaning the house, but Child Protective Services may be called if we delete some of those chores from our task list. We can ask people for one off help with certain tasks, but since it’s a cyclical chore, it means that we’re constantly spending time and energy figuring out who we can ask for help. Sometimes it’s a job for delegation, assigning a task to somebody more officially.
With the household cleaning example, maybe it’s assigning certain chores to a partner or kid if they’re old enough. Maybe certain people in the family are in charge of certain rooms. Delegation can also be hiring help. We started working with a fantastic cleaning team shortly before Adley was born, knowing that cleaning was neither my husband or my strong suit and ultimately it just wouldn’t get done on a regular basis if it were up to us. And we knew that wasn’t a great environment for a kid who would be constantly putting things from the floor into his mouth.
It’s literally the best money we spend each month to have a team come every three weeks. Every three weeks is what made sense for our budget, and I can’t express how delighted we are every time they come. We literally go into each room and talk all night about all the ways that things are now clean. It still amazes us. This is called delegation. The cleaning team we work with gets the job done 100 times faster and frankly, way better than Chris or I could ever do because they actually know what they’re doing.
Delegating tasks allows us to focus on our own unique strengths and priorities. Chris loves gardening and taking care of the lawn so he likely won’t delegate that to anyone, and that’s fine by me. Delegating is a sign of excellent executive skills. Entrepreneurs who try to do everything themselves inevitably plateau or burnout. The most successful leaders amplify their impact by building strong teams and strategic outsourcing. Your business does not have to be mature in order for you to start building your team.
You are the CEO of your life and family. Make decisions to delegate certain responsibilities to friends, family and/or hire out services. Similar to figuring out what to delete, we want to figure out routine tasks either at home and definitely at work, that we can delegate. I gave you a ton of great nuggets in episode four about delegating, so definitely go back and check that out if you haven’t had a chance to listen. There’s especially a lot of value for moms in current leadership roles to start liberally delegating things to your team.
I talked about delegating as a tool to make work suck less, but it’s also a tool to make life suck less too. These are all ways for you to minimize the things you hate doing to make room for the things that light you up.
Okay, we made it to the last step. The final A is accepting help. This one is huge as so many of us have been culturally conditioned to reflexively decline help even when it’s desperately needed. Someone kindly offers to assist and what do we say? “No, I’m fine. I’ve got it covered.” I know I do this all the time and it bites me in the butt. It causes me so much stress and resentment down the line that I didn’t just say yes. Constantly saying no to help that we are being offered also creates a packed schedule that we use as an excuse to not start taking action on the things that will help to build a better life.
Now, I know we talked about asking for help and everything I said before about people helping applies to this as well. But the difference is that this is help that we aren’t initiating. It’s other people leaning in because they truly want to be a part of our life. Just like I said before with asking for help, our default is usually to resist, which often derives from wanting everything done in a certain ‘right way’ and really our way. But just like asking for help, accepting assistance is a learned skill that gets easier with practice. And the benefits are tremendous for both you and the person offering to pitch in, like I talked about before.
It also presents an opportunity for the other person to learn more about how you like things done. Maybe your partner doesn’t pack the diaper bag exactly as you would, or your mom has a different approach to getting the kids ready in the morning. Rather than seeing this as a problem, view it as a chance for them to adapt to your preferences over time. The more you allow others to assist, the more they’ll get used to your systems and ways of doing things. They get to ask questions, you get to give feedback, things will improve the more practice they get.
Plus, by releasing control and graciously accepting help, you free up precious mental and physical energy that you can then channel into activities for yourself and your business. Remember, this is all about creating time for you. Imagine what you could accomplish in just a couple of uninterrupted hours if you didn’t have to worry about laundry, meals or driving the kids around. I know it can feel so much easier to just say, “No, I’ve got it”, and maintain that aura of self-sufficiency. But I’m urging you to lean into this discomfort and say, “Yes, thank you”, the next time someone offers support.
It might mean your kids eat mac and cheese for dinner one night instead of your carefully crafted meals, but I promise you your family will survive and you’ll all be stronger for it. Accepting help is a vulnerable act, yes, but it’s also a profound statement of self-love. You’re worthy of support, and you don’t have to do it all alone. Little by little, get comfortable allowing others in and releasing the reins of control, the freedom and additional bandwidth it creates will be transformative, I promise. So, by implementing the DADA system of delete, ask for help, delegate and accept help, you can easily create at least a couple of hours in your schedule.
When we get good at these four scheduling hacks, we have more time in our schedule for our business and we have a lot less resentment and frustration which gives us a boost of energy. The keys are, number one, delete any activities, habits, or obligations that don’t align with your priorities. Number two, proactively ask for help regularly on tasks big and small. Number three, delegate out duties you dread or aren’t skilled at. Number four, accept offers of assistance graciously without perfectionist control.
This isn’t about doing less or being unproductive. It’s about being highly discerning about how you spend your finite time and energy. Follow this DADA system and you’ll gain a ton of efficiency and more control of your calendar.
If this episode resonated with you and you’re feeling inspired to overhaul your schedule, keep tuning in. On future episodes I’ll be diving deeper into productivity tips, overcoming perfectionism, how to actually spend the time you’ve created, and so much more. We’ll continue layering on strategies to help ambitious moms like you, progressively create the time and mental space needed to create that exit plan and build that business.
Next episode we’ll be talking about what type of business you should create. Learning about all the options that are out there and how to pick something that will light you up one step at a time, one small schedule adjustment after another, you’ll get there. A life where you’re not just going through the motions, but truly thriving and energized, working on meaningful projects that light you up. Keep listening and take consistent action. I’ll be right here cheering you on and guiding you to that incredible life you deserve. Thanks for listening and I will see you next Wednesday.
Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of How to Quit Your Job: A Mom’s Guide to Creating a Life and Business You Love. If you want to learn more about how I can help you stop making excuses and start making moves, head on over to www.jenna.coach. I’ll see you next week.
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